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620 ft tf$ 3Le&1tet. [Saturday,
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pnttfnih
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We should do our utmost to encourage the...
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STANZAS. I am not grieved, I am not glad...
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CONFESSIONS OF A TIMID LOVER. (Jli amori...
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Transcript
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.
620 Ft Tf$ 3le&1tet. [Saturday,
620 ft tf $ 3 Le & 1 tet . [ Saturday ,
Pnttfnih
^ nrffnlin .
We Should Do Our Utmost To Encourage The...
We should do our utmost to encourage the Beautiful , fox the Useful encourages itself . — Goethe .
Stanzas. I Am Not Grieved, I Am Not Glad...
STANZAS . I am not grieved , I am not glad , I sigh and weep and smile alone ; For , tho f my spirit is not sad , That pensiveness is not unknown Which springs from joys for ever flown ; From hopes , and fears not unlike hope ; From fancies budding , budded , blown ; From thoughts like stars in heaven ' s grey cope ; Now pale , now bright , now born , now dead , A melancholy band , yet one by Pleasure led .
I love , and yet my love is not A feeling that may be defined ; It liveth not in every thought , Yet ne ' er is absent from the mind ; A thing of sweet sensations , shrined In the heart ' s temple , it resembles Some delicate and maiden wind , That o ' er a bank of violets trembles ; Now restless is it , now asleep , And now it bids me smile , and now it bids me weep
I am alone , —alone full blest ; Yet , had I calm society , I still should have a tranquil breast , And men might linger pleased by me . All stormy passions quiet be , And all ungentle thoughts arc still ; My soul is like a summer sea , And pure and even is my will ; And when I think on what hath been , It is with grateful heart , confiding and serene
I know my mind hath , like some flower , Drawn hue and odour from the light , — That it hath won a solemn power , A lofty and sustaining might ; And yet I would it were more bright ; I would I were more wise , more mild , More pure , more gentle , day and night , And never wayward , proud , or wild , That , mid the universal wrong , For Justice I might war , in love and wisdom strong . 1837 . M
Confessions Of A Timid Lover. (Jli Amori...
CONFESSIONS OF A TIMID LOVER . ( Jli amori Le coitczia l ' audace huprese io canto . —Ariosto . Part III . T determine on seeking a Milliner ' s love—The effect of my Flute and Telegraph — Sentimental Correspondence — Meeting with my Beloved—Strange Adventure—Family Troubles—Another Deception I Tnus I lived through my youthful days , dreaming and scheming ; loving , pet never daring to make an open declaration ; inspir ing attachments , yet never profiting by them ; avoiding all women who made advances to me , yet never daring to make direct advances myself . I wanted the champagne of ¥ outh . To have become a perfect Roue I only needed a little coarse audacity ; but I was too refined for that .
As I was what is called a " good match , " besides possessing a very agreeible exterior and pleasing manners , mothers were very desirous of securing me for their daughters . But though young I had read Woman . I knew ; he sex thoroughly . It was impossible to deceive me . I had learnt 2 uough from novels , and from personal observation , to feel quite sure that I never could be taken in . All their machinations were in vain ; and not i single woman did 1 meet with whom I felt disposed to accept as a motherin-law .
Opposite a famous dressmaker ' s I took apartments . My drawing-room was exactly vis-a-vis to the workroom , where I daily saw about twenty girls employed . I tried the effect of my flute upon their sensibility ; though in the noisy streets of London I fear they heard but little . I also procured a telescope by means of which I could watch them narrowly . One among them riveted my heart . She was fair , modest , and retiring ; dressed in deep mourning ; and was always sad and pensive amidst the gaiety of her companions . There was a captivating air of romance about her . " She is certainly some poor gentleman ' s daughter , " I declared ; " you can see it in her bearing . " I framed all sorts of histories to suit her case . Her image haunted inc .
My telescope was invaluable . I succeeded at last in attracting the attention of the girls ; and we commenced a series of telegraphic signs which greatly excited their merriment ; but 1 observed with some concern that this merriment was never shared by my pensive charmer , nor did she ever take part in the correspondence .
A little study made me acquainted with their habits ; their time of departure in the evening and of arrival in the morning . One evening I accosted a laughing roguish girl who seemed willing enough to enter into conversation . I entreated her to tell me the name of my charmer . It was Miss Hodgson . I was also given to understand by something my informant said that Miss Hodgson was rather struck with me . She did not absolutely say so ; but there was something in her manner and her smile which gave one pretty clearly to understand that it was so .
That very night I wrote a studied epistle , which I sent by the post addressed to Miss Hodgson . It was written with peculiar delicacy and full of meaning . I avoided the fudge of love-letters in general , and took care not to be commonplace . Artfully touching upon her situation which had inspired me with pity , I said , " and Love , you know , is the first-born Offspring of Pity "—( rather a pretty sentiment , I think—especially when set off by capitals ); and I alluded vaguely , but adroitly , to her being so superior to her situation , adding that I quite understood what her feelings must be . In short , I allowed my passion to shine through the thin veil of courtesy . It had its due effect ; the next day I received an answer . It was rather ill-written and capricious in spelling , but full of nice feeling . She confessed that she had not seen me Unmoved ; that she had " strugled with her Feeling in the hope of
Concealing Them , but that it was quite Evident I had Pennetrated the secret of her heart , so she must Imploar me spare her and not Write again , and not on Any account Speak to her . " What to me were orthography and punctuation weighed in the balance against feminine tenderness and shrinking modesty ? I was in a delirium of gratified vanity . At last I had inspired a passion ! I showed the letter to my friend Jack Harris , who read it with one of his strange sardonic smiles , and then handed it over to me with a quiet : " It
will do . " I wrote again to her in spite of her command . I told her my passion was irresistible . I was eloquent , ardent , pathetic . She replied . It was evident that tears had fallen upon her letter—the ink had run so from the damp condition of the paper ! In the incoherence of her feelings she had forgotten all spelling , I think ; but that only made the letter more eloquent . She upbraided my cruelty in having extorted an avowal of her passion—in not leaving her to the silent enjoyment of her misery . Could I seek her ruin ? She loved me : it was true : too true . It was an unhappy-fatal
passion . But was I not a gentleman ? Would I take a base advantage of an avowal wrung from her—an avowal which ought never to have been made—but which had escaped in a moment of anguish . Here the paper , I remember , was very much blotted , indeed . I kissed the smeared passage ! The letter concluded , I remember ( for I only give the sense , having lost the original ) with imploring me , as a man of honour , to cease from all pursuit of her , or she should be obliged to quit her situation . " Away from You I can rezist You but o I Cannot trust myself in your Naburhood Adieu Adieu for Ever your unhappy Amelia . " It was about six o ' clock when I received this . I took up my telescope and saw her bending over her work , sad , pale , and silent : she was thinking of
me ! I was the cause of that sorrow ! I took up my flute . There were no carriages passing , and I played iS We met , " with variations . She raised her head with a melancholy smile , as I concluded . It was too much for me . I closed the window and burst into tears . I reproached myself as a villain . I had disturbed the peaceful current of that girl ' s life . I had , perhaps , made her wretched for ever ! I wrote a beautiful letter to her , full of sweet sentiments . In it I assured her of my undying affection . The time for their daily departure had arrived , and , snatching up my letter , I awaited anxiously the moment of her appearance . I saw them all issue out , one after the other , without her . I waited ten impatient minutes , and at last felt my heart flutter as she stepped
into the street . I hastened after her , endeavouring to extort from her some word ; but she remained silent , and only walked faster . " Dearest and best , " said I , " take this letter ; it will explain all . " I was not suprised at her refusing to take it . She only hurried her pace , and would not even look at me . Having broken the ice , however , I was determined to proceed , and said" Dearest creature , do you wish , then , to behold me a corpse ? Will you not vouchsafe me one word ?" She stopped suddenly , and looking me steadily in the face said , in a deep ,
sad tone" If you annoy me any longer , Sir , I sliall call a policeman 1 " I was not hurt at this . I knew what struggles were covered by that calmness . I knew how her heart bled j and I respected Virtue fortifying itself with a policeman . She was much agitated , and I suffered her to pass on . I was agitated myself , and walked away with trembling pulses . " Poor dear girl ! " said I , " and she denied herself the luxury of speaking to me . She refused to take the letter which she knew would give her such
pleasure . Ah ! it is only amongst these girls you ever find true passiontrue virtue ! With what dignity yet what reproachful tenderness she uttered the word ' Policeman ! ' The idea of a girl threatening her adored with a policeman ! Obliged to shield herself behind the sanctity of the Law from the temptations of Passion !" It will readily be understood how her resistance had doubly endeared her to me . Her virtue was n halo round her dear head which warranted my worship .
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Citation
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Leader (1850-1860), Sept. 21, 1850, page 20, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse2.kdl.kcl.ac.uk/periodicals/l/issues/cld_21091850/page/20/
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