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A CHRISTMAS GARLA > T ) . THREATS H . j | -hosg PTi « g 7 T » g lyrical - poets few liaxe achieved a greater popnliritvthan Eliza Cook . This-ariseafrom the fact , that although her poetry is certainly not of thehighest order , it is nevertheless tree to nature . Jf she essays not those lofty flights -which only the jnietty few may Jiope to aspire to , she is not the less in herorbit a true poet . - Id simplicity she descends to the comprehension of the humblest ^ "while allied idth that simplicity she exhibits a force of thought winch becomes to the many a voice ottering for them the truths they feel but are unable to articulate . Of this we have a striking example in the fceauriftil lines on Christmas "which "will ~ be iband below , and for "which "we are indebted to our
contemporary the Weekly Xdipatck . Curious enough the -writer isjust now located , and has l > een since his arrival in London ( he speaks personally ) in the home of Eliza Cook ' s birth , and childhood Z Genius , ¦ which euobles all ihingywiih which it is associated , may yet Tiallow the spot -where the vouihtul mind oftilipi » ' 2 iingpoetessnrstnwoke totielight and life of the wipe ' s inspiration . Indeed the yriter knows those within the circle of his acquaintance who -would" traverse neld and flood , simply to see the spot -vrhere he has f or the present ' pitched his lent lie eaa only say , that should they feronr Mm witi their company , although holding no appointment fronrthelady , nor authorised to represent her , he -will yet do Ms best to "welcome her devotees 2 nd admirers .
CHXISTiLAS SOXG OT THE TOO 3 . MA 2 T , "A irierrj Christmas , Qsnilcmenf ~ Tls thus the ancient ditry runs : But minstrels chime no hailing rhyme , Tor Poverty ' s low , haggard sons . A aenj Chiisimas lo ye all , Who at beneath tie green-twiu ' d roof , To mark how fast the snow flakes ¦ faTl Or listen to the ringing boof . A pleasant tone the north wind hums , "V Then that's "without , and ye ¦ within ; BtK Hke a serpent ' s fans It comes Upon the poor man ' s naked skin . A merry Christinas to ye all , TTho fold warm robes oe ' r limb and breast , "VTho deep enclosed by curtain'd wall , "With blaniets on your conch of rest . But 3—the - poor -ma- ^ — trh ax ~ 7 iafi "be The merrv Christraas tide to me ?
TVe seen men h £ iv the log trunk through , Pre seen them "bear the holly br . To pile upon the sparklin ? hearth , A-nil grace the stall'd ax smoking nisi . The oak-root is a mighty thing ; And bea-afceoas the berrv red ; . ~ Bu \ hollow is the joy they bring T o tyes that dimly looi for bread . The j *> c-r man ' s fire!—j > sh 3 "sv ! bow shocldhe Fj ^ 1 jSt ; i-Ti a strsnje , luxurious wan : ? The poor man ' s meal—0 , lei It b = Some Si-rap , smgaraiahed , cold and seast ! A xnerrv Christmas , Gentlemen , ' Tis thus the andem ditty raas : B : i * nought we hear of welcome cheer , Fisi- Poverty ' s Iotv , iacgaxd sons . 5 or mall , nor meat , tiot fruit , nor wine : 0 , 3 . znerrr Christmas trill be mine . ' A rapid dins-donz sweHeth round ;
The giant steeples shake "with glee ; And inislEToe ^ s gaily bound "With branches from the laurel tree . The midnight gloom is deep—but , hark ! The tones of kindly custom flow ; Street music eometh in the dark , "With fences . greeting , as thev go , - A merry Clirisrnrrs OmtJemex . - " ATe , great ones , it is all your own I The hour is sung , the harp is strung , Wl * re Plenty flings Ser treasures down : "What has the poor man got to do With bells and haT-wreaths , songs and mirth ? let : me creep on -Tviii Hiserys crrw , 'T-wixt piercing sky and frozen earth : Jfor malt , nor meat , "nor fruit , nor wine : 0 . a -merry tbeistnias tide is mine !
Tie rich man ' s boy laesrhs loud to find TMdk ice upon the streamlet ' s tide ; His round cheeks freshen in the Trind , His "warm feet bound along the Elide . But little loves the poor man ' s heir Fpon the stagnant riH to look- ; 3 e croEclies from ihe biliag air ; TKc tWft blood curdles with the brook . The well-born daughter smiles to think How gay the lighted room -w 2 Q . * eem When -frifmflt shall meet to dance and drink , And all be glad as fairy dream . The poor man ' s girl shall only care To hug her tatter'd garment tight ; To "wring the hoar irost from her hair , Anfl pray that sleep may come with night . Pale children of a pauper slave , Hare CJhristmasgaiaiQlsTe -wHLhaTe 1 " A iserrT Christmas . SesfUmen . '"
Pill , fill your classes high and fast ; The Borth triad ' s shriek is fiercely bleak , "Rliat mattcTJ Jet it rattle past . *• " A merry Christmas , &oiileinen , Teatt oa-and ciant a b 7 y 2 iesome strain , Th « e til dug chill gruas bleaker stffl , "What matter I fin the glass again . S"dr up the blaze—rejoice and feed . Shout and be happy as ye can , — My groan arrests ye ! take no heed , Tis bur a inmgrr feUorr man . " A raerrr Christinas , G ^ n&cmzn : " 'Tis ibes the ancient ditty runs : 2 f o tongae shall sins , no bells shall ring , For Poreny's low , haggard sons : 5 or malt nor meat , nor fruit , nor wine : O , a znerrr Christmas tide is mine '
Bnt ' tis time "Wft returned to "The C / iimtt : a GtAim Story of soviC BtTU that Bang an Old Tiar out and a JVtw Tiar in . '' The reader will remember tLai "we left Alderman Laurie—\ re bee pardon , —Cztte we mean—lecturing y «^ xn&JiSckard oa the enormity of committing matriiDOBT , and foreTrarning ilie former that if "she ever had the pleasure of being brought before him in his onieiai character of just-ass , he would certainly put htr down . This -worthy despatches Tronv with 2 . letter to one Sir Joseph BotvUy , an
2 grifukura 3 Mend f&ALdainczi Cub ?* , and a great "Friend and Father to the Poor . " The Maltbuaan teachings of the tripe denouncers hare tempted Trotty to admit the belief that the poor are really bad / and the auihor of their own trouHes , and also of all the trouble they are supposed to cause the rest of society . Hie Interview with Sir Joteph H' juhv serves * but to strengthen these -withering impressions . At first Trotty is disposed to greatly admire the representative of the Buckingham school of labour's friends : —
•* THE TOOX JUS ' i rRTEXD . " jToa have no bill or demand upon me ; my name is Bo-bVv . Sir tJuseph Bowley ; of any kind , from aaybjdT , haTe you V said Sir Joseph . ' If you have , pre-Knt it . There is a cheque-book by the side of Br . Pish . 1 aBotf nothing , to 1 » carried iiilo the sew year ETtrj descripti-a of account is settled in this house at ths clwse of the old one . So that if death was toto— = " To cut , " suggested Mr . Pish . "Toseier , sir , " r emraed Sir Joseph , with . great asperirr , the cord of existence—mv affairs wonld be found ,
1 hope , in a st&te of preparation . '' u My dear Sir Joseph , " said the Jidy , who was greatly younger tkaa the gentleman , " How shocking V u lij Lady Bowley / 5 retarned Sir Joseph , floundering j notrand then , as in the great depth of Ms ^ bserrations , ** at ihis season of the year we shonlu think of—ofonrselTes . ° ffe shonld look into our—our—accounts . "We should feel that eTery return of so erentml a period in human transactions involves matters of deep moment between a man and bis—and bis banker . ' * * * U 1 am the poor man ' s friend , " observed Sir Joseph , glaTirmg at the poor man present . " As such 1 may te laEuicd . As such I have been taunted . But I ask
no oth-a- title . " " Bless bin for a noble gentleman ! " thought Trotty . u ' i agree -with Cuts here , for instance , " said Sir Juscpii , Lulding out the letter . " 1 don ' t agree with the filar party . I don ' t agree with any party . 3 iy friend the poor " man has no business -with anything of that svrt , and nothing of that sort has any business vrith "brm iiT friend the poor man in my district , is my Yasiness . Xo man or body of men has any isgLt to interfere bettreen my Mend and me . This is the ground I rake . I assume a—a paternal character to * vards my friend . 1 say , my good feUotr , I will treat jou TiateroaUT /' Yoby hstened widi great graTity , and began to feel more comfortable .
This comfortable state of feeling did not last tons . It -was a rule -with Sir Joseph to settle all outstanding accounts on the day previous to the commencement of the I ? e"w Tear . His secretary , a Mr . JwA , is thus emploved -with a huge cheque-book beside him , "when the Baronet questions Trotty as to his preparedness for the New Year , and is shocked to hear Trotty confess that he o-wea some ten or twefcre shillings to a 3 fr * . ChickenstaOxr , "who keeps a small shop m the " general line ; " besides vvhich hfe owes » me trifle for rent . The letter Trotty has
brought from Alderman Cute apprises Sir Joseph of the arrival in London of one William Fern , a labourer on the la ± ter * s estate , seeking employ-Jnent ; aai that he ( the Alderman ) irifl eiigageto " ppt doTm" ibis obnonous peraonage if- 'Sir Jotqph desires it . Sir Joieph , of course , desireait ; a » d Trotty is sent bai -sdtli a reply to that eJBhpt . Having discharged Ms commission , he is returning home , -when , he accidentally stumbles lip against this Teritahle Will Tern , -who is ^ carrying a little girl Ids niece , in his arms , and inquiring for the residence of Jldervaan Cuu .
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"snia . tux . "Ifs impossible , " cried Toby with a start , " that vour name ' s Fern "' " Eh J " cned the other , t ^ xminc on htm in astonishment . " Pern ! ' Will Fern V said Trotty . "That's my ™ bh- " replied the other . " Why taen , " cried Trotty , « eizing him by the arm , and looking cautiously around , " for Heaven ' s sake dou ' r go to him I Don't go to him ; KeTl put you down as sure as * ver you tvere born , llere ! come up this alley , and 111 tell you what 1 mean . Don ' t go to Mn , " ' His new acquaintance looked as if he thought him mad ; bnt be bore him company nevertheless . V . 'hen They were shrouded from observation , Trotty told him what he knew , and what character he had received , and all
about it . The subject of his history listened \ o it tvith a calmness tl > a . t Karprlsed liiau lie diJ not coatra < lic : or interrupt it once . He nodded his head now ami then—moiv in coiroboration of an old and woni-ou ! story , it appear ed , than in refutation of it , and once or twice threw back his hat , and passed his freckled hand over a brow , where tvery furrow he had piougiied seenu-d to have st-: its image in lirUe . Be ; he did ao more . ** it is true enough in the main , "ho said , " master . I could sift grain irom husk here and there , but let it bu -as ' tis . What odds ? 1 have gone against his plans : to my misfortun . 1 can ' t help it ; 1 should do the like to-morrow . As to character , them gentlefolks will search and search , and pry and pry , and hare it as free from spo : and speck in us , afore they'll help us to a dry good word : Well ! 1 hope tbev don ' t lost -. rood opinion as
easy as we do , or their lives is strict indeed , and hardly worth the keeping . For myself , master , I never took with that hand ''—holding it before him— ;> what wasn't my own ; and never held it back from work , however hard , or poorly paid . Whoever can deny it , let him chop it oft "! But when work won ' t maintain me like a human creetur ; when my living is so bad , that I am hungry , out of doors and in ; when I see a whole working life begin that way , go on that way . and end that ivaT , -K-ithoat a chance or change ; then I say to the gentlefolks , ' 3 veep away from me ' . Let my cottage be . ily doors is dark enough without your darkening of 'cm more . Don ' t look for me to come up into the Park to help the show when there's a birthday , or a fine speechmaking , or what not . Act your plays and games withaut me , and be welcome to 'em , and enjoy ' cm . We ' ve nought to do with one another . I ' m best let alone . '"
With some difficulty Trotty persuades his new found acquaintance to accompany him home , and share his humble lodging for the night . Arrived there , Trotty expends the sixpence he has earned in carrying CutSt letter , in purchasing tea and a rasher of bacon for his wearied guests . ' Here we are and here we go . '" cried Trotty , run-ring roandthe room , and choking audibly . Ik-riS Uncle Will : Here ' s a fire , you know » Why don ' t you come to the Sire ? 0 , here we art- and here we < ro : 31 ^ - . precious darling , . vbere ' s the ki-ttle ? Here it is anil here it soes , and it'll bile in no time : "
The whole scene is delightful , and in the author ' s l * - > t style . We regret we cannot afford room to give it . After tea the man and child retire to re * t . -and Trotty betakes himself to the pmisin <; of his newspaper , in which he lights on the account of a -woman who had not only laid desperate hands on her own life , but also on that of her younsr child . Shocked at so unnatural and cruel an act , Trow / s evil genius again takes possession ef him , arid be concludes that the poor must be bad , and that those who could do such deeds had no business on
earth . The goblin part of the story now commences . While running over the newspaper horrors , Trotty falls asleep ; and trhat follows is a vision , in "which , < i la . Scrooge , heismade to see into futurity by the goblins of the bells . Of course the reader is not let into the- secret that the scenes which arise before Trotty ' s eyes are really and only the shadows of a disordered imagination , occasioned by the indicestibility of a tnpe dinner . That is a secret "which the author keeps to the close of the volume , when , to the great relief both of Trotty and the reader , the phantoms conjured up disappear , and all ends jovously and happily . To return to the bells . Trotty has hardly thought the bad thought of his fellow-creatures
occasioned by the perusal of bis newspaper , when lo I ihe Ckimci begin to ring , and to his fancy their one unvarying peal is " Toby Yeck , Toby Veck ; "wailing for you , Toby ! Come and see us , come and see us . I > rag him to us , drag him to us—haunt and hunt him , haunt and hunt him '" Under the influence of this mysterious summons Jt ^ y leaves his room and hies him to the church . To his surprise he finds the door a-jar , and impelled onward by some agency he is powerless to contend with , he mounts the stairs of the tower . Higher up , and higher up , he proceeds , unt il , bv climbing and clambering , he at
last finds himseli among the bells . Appalled now at his own daring , and the fearful loneliness of his situation , he holloas for help ; but the echo is the only reply called forth , and , overcome with terror , he sinks dovm in a swoon . Awaking from his stupor , he is still more terrified by witnessing the presence of a myriad of goblins . Getting to discern more elosely his present company , he sees among them , though but darkly visible , the Goblin of the Great BelL The great goblin charges poor Trotty with divers misdemeanours , more particularly his recent uncharitable thoughts when pe rusing hi 3 newspaper .
Lastly , and most of all , " pursued the Bell , " Who turns his back upon the falleD and disfigured of his kind ; abandons them as-vile ; tnd loes not trace and track with jritriDg- eyes tbe unfei fed precipice by which they fell from ; rood — grasping in their fall some tufts and shreds of that lost soil , an > : clinginjj to them still when bruised and dying in fb- g-ulpb below—does wrong to Heaven and man , to time and to etemiry . And you have done that wrong I " Spare me , " cried Trotty , falling on his knees ; " for mtrcy's sake I *
The Goblin orders Trotty to go lorth , accompanied by the "Spirit of the Chimes ; " but first the tower opens at his feet , and he sees his own form Iving on the outside , crushed and motionless . Trotty is made to understand that an interval of nine years has elapsed since he , ascending the tower as we have seen , was , by a false step , precipitated to the l > ottoin and killed . His task is now to go forth in the spirit , and , seeing the "woe ? of the poor , learn the causes of their crimes ; and this too from tbe then condition of those dearest to him . Tbe first ?< -ejse presented to him is his daughter M ^ p . now grown nine years older than when he last saw her , endeavouring to earn a miserable subsistence by working at embroidery . In -this and subsequent scenes the
author vividly and painfully pictures the misery of the London needlewomen . . Uo wasn ' t married-1 thanks" to the accursed € utej > anl Filers for that . Thanks to their infernal lessons , Ilirhnrd had taken it into his head that he might do better ; that M < g TTasn't good enough for him , < £ c . The " gentlemen- '" too bad frightened M ?< 7 . SJie feared , if married , she would be deserted , and all sorts of misfortunes would be her lot . So they had lingered , and lingered , until their trust in one another was" broken ; and so at last was the match . It was thu ?—her heart well-nigh broken , her beauty gone , and condemned to unceasing drudgery for a wretched subsistence , that Trotty beheld his daughter . Lilian too ( Will Fern ' s niece ) had grown a woman , and occupied , with J /< w , the same room , following the same
employment . Hear the miseries of the embroideress —the worker of eighty flowers for sixpence ' . O , profitocracy , where is thy shame ? 'Tis Lilian who speakB : — "Such work , such work ; so many hours , so many days , so many long , long nights of hopeless , cheerless , neverending work—not to heap up riches , not to live proudly or gaily , not to live upon enough , however coarse , but to earn bare bread ; to scrape together just enough to toil upon , and want upon , and keep alive in us the consciousness of our hard fate ' 0 Meg , Meg ! " She raised her voice and twined her arms about her as she spoke , like one in pain . " How can the crnel world go round , and bear to look upon such lives ?" But poor Lilian had not yet reached the "worst : a
lower depth was beneath her . The scene next changes to Bowlev Hall , the seat of Sir Joseph Bouley , "Friendand ivatLerofthepoor . " It is > ew Tear's-day , and also the birth-day of Lady Botvley . The Hall was full of visitors . Vute and Filer were there . There was to be a great dinner in the Great Hall , at which Sir Joseph Botvley , in his celebrated character of " Friend and Father of the poor , " was to make Ms great speech . t * Sir Joseph Boicley , Baronet and Member of Parliament , was to play a match at skittles—real skittles , with his tenants . " It was while the Baronet was thus engaged that Cute encounters Mr . Secretary Fish : —but these worthies shall speak for themselves : —
THE " TUTTEB DOWN ' S " LAMXNTATION OVXB . X " BBemctasi ^ " suicn > x . " My dear Alderman Cute , " said Mr . Fish ; " a little more this way . The most dreadful circumstance has occurred . I bare thi 6 moment received the intelligence . Tie most frightful and deplorable event V " Fish ! " returned the Alderman . "Fish ! my good fellow , what is the matter Xothmg revolutionary , 1 hope ! Ifo—no attempted interference with the magistrates V " Deeules , the hanker , " gasped the secretary . " Deedles , Brothers , who was to have been here to-day—high in office in the Goldsmiths' Company . " " ! Not stopped ! " exclaimed the Alderman . " It can ' t be . "' " Shot himself . "
" Good GodV " Put a double-barrelled pistol to his mouth , in his own counting-house , " said Mr . Fish , " and blew his brains oat . 2 ? o motive . ^" Princely circumstance * V " CircnmEtances 1 " exclaimed the Alderman . " man of ¦ noble fortune . One of the most respectable of men . Suicide , a £ r . Fish . ' By his own hand f " This very morning , " returned Mr . Pish , " 0 , the brain , the brain ! " exclaimed the pious Alderman , lifting up his hands . " 0 , the nerves , the nerves ; the mysteries of this machine called Man ! O , -the little that unhinges it ! Poor creatures that we are ! Per-Tisps a urrmer , Mr . Pish . Perhaps the conduct of lia son , -who , I have heard , ran -rery wild , and was in ihe habit of drawingjtiills upon him without the least
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authority ! A most respectable man . One of the most respectable men I ever knew J A lamentable instance , Mr . Fish . A public calamity ! I shall make a point of wearing the deepest mourning . A most respectable man ' But there is One above . TVe must submit , Mr . Fish . "We must submit ! " ' What , Alderman ! Xo word of putting down ! Remember , Justice , your high moral boast and pride . Come , Alderman 3 Balance those scales . Throw me into this , the empty one , no dinner , and nature ' s founts in some poor woman , dried by starving misery , and rendered obdurate to claims for which her offspring has anthority in holy mother Eve . Weigh me the two ; you Daniel going to judgment , when your day shall come : Weigh them , in the eves of suffering thousands ,
auiiitr . ee ( not unmindful ) of tbe grim farce you play Or , supposing that you strayed from your five wits—it's not so far to go but that it might be ¦ , and laid hands upon that throat of yours , warning your fellows ( if you have a fellow ) , how they croak their comfortable wickedness to raving heads and stricken hearts . What then ? " It is one of the biographers of Burns , when commenting on that inimitable production of the poet ' s pen , the Twa -Dog ? , who remarks , in allusion to the original of the tyrant factor , — "how easy it is to purchase an immortality of infamy ! " We have the truth of this beautifully exemplified in the ease of the real Alderman Cute , whose empty-headed pomposity and heartless cruelty is in this character
gibbetted for public scorn , not only for the present time , but for generations yet to come . The utility and good of this punishment is , that so long as the LAtrarEs—we mean the Ci-tes—continue to exist , though the present unenvied representative of the race may have ceased to be—long gone down into the night of fathomless obscurity ^ : so long < i 9 one of the race is to be found , here is the whip to scourge him with . Here is , ready heated , the iron with which to brand him , a mark for public shame . Inflated , cruel , cold-blooded " puttersrdown" of your miserable fellow-creatures ; tramplers upon your own species ; behold how heaven-guided genius shall " put you down" ! Petty tyrants of a day—contemptible imitators and personifiers of incarnate evil , see the coming doom of your class . More potent than a two-edged sword , the pen shall smite
you to the dust . Weapon of the poet and the patriot , thouart man ' s greatest good ! man ' s source of present hope and future happiness ! Thine is the mission to vanquish the " putters down , " and raise the oppressed and prostrated children of poverty and toil . Before leaving this portion of the Chimes , we must give another scene from the doings at Bowley Hall . Anything more powerful in vindication of the poor , and denunciation jof that infernal system which creates crime , and then persecutes to despair and destruction the criminal , never came from the pen of even a Dickiss . Sir Joseph has made his great speech , full of the humbug and hypocrisy whicli may be heard at every agricultural oinner in the kinsdom . He has given ; as a toast " The dignity of Labour , " <' . ) when Will Fern breaks through the assembled throng of rascals and slaves , and thus manfullv proclaims
LABOUR ' S WBO . NGS . Gentlefolks ' . " he said , " you ' ve drunk the Labourer . Look at me . "' Just come from jail , " said Sir . Fish . Just come from jail . " said Will . " And neither for the rim time , nor the second , nor tbe third , nor yet the fourth . " ' * * # Gentlefolks . " repeated 'Will Fern , "Look at me . ' You see I ' m at the ivorst . Beyond all trust or harm : beyond your help ; for the time when your kind words or kind actions could have done me good "—he struck his hand upon his breast arid shook his head— "is gone , with the scent of last year ' s beans or clover on the air . Let me say a word for these" ( pointing to the Labouring people in the hall ); " and when you ' ve met together , hear the real truth spoken oat for once , "
Gentlefolks , I've lived many a year in this place . You may see the cottage from the sunk fence over yonder . I've seen the ladies draw it in their books a hundred times . It looVa well in a picter , I ' ve heerd say ; but there an't weather in picters , and maybe ' tis fitter for that than for a place to live in . Well ! 1 lived there . How hard—how bitter hard I lived there , I won't say . Any day in the year , and every day , you can judge for your own selves . * * 'Tis harder than you think for , gentlefolks , to grow up decent , in such a place . That I growed up a man and not a brute , 6 ays something for mo—as I was then . As I avn now , there ' s nothing can be said for me' or done for me . I'm past it . * * I dragged on , " said Fern , after a moment's silence , " somehow . Neither me nor any other man
knows bow ; but so heavy , that I couldn't put a cheerful face upon it , or make believe that I was anything but what I was . Sow , gentlemen—you gentlemen that sits at Sessions—when you see a man with discontent writ on > ii « i ijace , yon says to another , ' he ' s suspicious . 1 has my doubt , ' say s you , ' about Will Fern . Watch that fellow . ' I don ' t say , gentlemen , it ain't quite nat'ral , but 1 say ' tis so ; and from that hour , whatever Will Fern does , or lets alone—all one—it goes against him . " Alderman Cute stuck his thumbs in his waistcoatpockets , and leaning back in his chair , and smiling , winked at a neighbouring chandelier . As much a ? to say . " Of course ! I told you so . The common crj ! Lord bless vou , we are up to all this sort of
thingmyself and human nature . " ** Sow , gentlemen , " said Will Kern , holding out nis bands , and flushing for an instant in his haggard face . " See how your laws are made to trap and hunt us when we ' re brought to this . I tries to live elsewhere . And I'm a vagabond . To jail with him ' . I comes back here . 1 goes a nutting in your woods , and breaks—who don ' ta limber branch or two . T o jail with \ iim ! One of your keepers sees me in the broad dny , near my own patch of garden , with a gun . To jail with him ' . 1 has a nat ' ral angry word with that man when I ' m free again . To jail with him ! I cuts a stick . To jail with him . ' I eats a rotten apple or a turnip . To jail with him I Tt ' s twenty mile away ; and coming "back , I befjs a trifle on the road . To jail with htm ' . At last , th <> constable , the kee ] K ? r-r-anybody—finds me anywhrre , a doing anything . To jail wi ' . h him , for he ' s a vagrant , and a jai ! -bird known ; and jail's the only home lie ' s
got . " The Alderman nodded sagaciously . ' as who should say , " A very pood Irome too V " Do I say this is to serve my cause ! " cried Fern . " Who can give me b : u ; k my liberty , who tan jrive me back my good same , whDCan give rat back my innocent niece ? Not all the lords and ladies in wide England . Rut ^ entlenicn , gentlemen , dealing with other men like me , begin at the right end . Give us , in mercy , better homes when we're a lying in our cradles ; give us better food when we ' re a working for our lives ; give us kinder laws to bring us baok when we're a going wrong ; and don't setj jail . jail . jail , afore us , everywhere we turn . There an ' t a condescension you can show the Labourer then that he won ' t takv , as ready and as grateful as a man can be ; for be has a patient , peaceful , willhig heart . But you must put hi 3 rightful spirit in him first : for whether be ' s a wreck and ruin such as me , or
is like one of them that stand here now , his spirit is divided from you at this time . Bring it back , gentlefolks , bring it back : bring it back , afore tbe day comes when even his Bible changes in his altered mind , and the words seem to him to read , as they Save sometimes read in my own eyes—in jail : ' Whither thou goest , I can Uot go ; where thou lodgest , I do Not loupe : thy people are not my people ; Nor thy God my God ! ' " The scenes we have above copied are , we should state , ¦ witnessed by the ghost of Trotty Ycck . Another period of time now elapsed , and the scene changes once more to ALg ' s wretched home . Will Fern in his speech refers to the loss of his innocent niece ; in this scene we have the solution of his complaint . Poor Lilian , not possesssing the strength of
mind which has saved Meg through all her misery from temptation , has fallen . Poor Lilian has become one of those outcasts which society makes , and then punishes . But though sunken and fallen from virtue , the good of her heart is uncxtinguished . At length she dies on her knees , clasped an the arms of ifeg , to whom she has returned to solicit her forgiveness . The story of Lilian ' s death is piteously , beautifully told : and we regret we cannot transfer it to our " Garland : " but room we cannot find . In this scene , but prior to the death of Lilian , we are introduced to Richard again ¦ w ho , from the manly lover he was ere he . had drank atthepoisonous ' streams of Malth « slanisin , haa sunk into the confirmed drunkard ; the half idiotic ,
sottish vagrant . Time rolls on , and again tne scene changes . Richard had sunk into that state of debasement that nobody "would employ him . At length he throws himself at the feet of Meg and begs-her to take him as her husband , as the only possible chance of his redemption . Poor Meg yields to his entreaties , hoping to save , him for the gake of-what they had once been to each other . They were married ; they have a baby ; but the attempt at reformation is made too late . Richard takes Jl ; lingers weeks and months ; and at last dies miserably . The climax of Meg ' s misery now approaches . " Having last her regular work , she
can only obtain chance work , that brings her for " a day and night of labour as many farthings as there were figtires on the dial 1 " Without employment of any sort , on the last day of the Old Year she walks the city sc < 'king work , but Beeking in Tain . She had not b-. oken her fast all day ; and now she applies for puMic charity , but this too she is refused . Faint and , giddy she retraces her steps to her miserable home , where , to crown her wretchedness , Boe is repulsed on the threshold by the brutal occupier of thehouse . She pleads in rain . At length , despair ' s complete victim , she turnsproceeds down the dark street—and hastens to the river ' s brink : a true picture of Mabi Fublet , and too many hapless ones who , like her , have bee * driven to destruction .
THE LOST MOTHER . In her own scanty shawl « he wrapped the baby warm . ¦ With her fevered . bands she smoothed its limbs , composed its face , arranged its mean attire . In her wasted arm * the folded it , a « though she never would resign it more . And with her dry lips kissed it in a final pang and last long agony of love .
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Putting its tiny hand up to her neck , and holding it there , within her dress , next to her distracted heart she set its sleeping face against her : closely , steadily , against her : and ' sped onward to the river . To tbe rolling river , swift and dim , where Winter Night sat brooding like the last dark thoughts of many wbo had sought a refuge there before her . Where scattered lights ujjon tbe banks gleamed sullen , red , and dull , as torches that were burning there , to show the way to a death . Where no abode of living people cast its shadow on the deep , impenetrable , melancholy shade . Through all these -horrors , the spirit of the old man follows his daughter . The fearfuiagony he endures in his _ vain attempts to grasp her , to drag her back , is depicted . with a master ' s hand ; but with
such truth and minuteness that the liveliest pain must be felt b y all who read tin ' s portion of the book . Most piteously poor Trotty appeals to the spirits of the Chivies to save Ins child , liis 3 % , from the approaching dread catastrophe . " Have mercy on heri" hu exclaimed , " as pne in whom this dreadful crimu has sprang from love pervcvU-d . from the strongest , deepest love we fallen creatures know ! Think what her misery must have been , when such seed bears such fruit ! Heaven meant her to be good . There is no loving mother on the earth , who miKht notemne to this , if such a life had gone before . " She was in his amis . lie hold her now . His strength was like a Riant ' s . * * "I know . that wo must trust and hope , and neither doubt ourselves , nor doubt tlie rood in one another . I have karat it from thf
creature nearest to my heart . 0 , spirits , merciful and good , I take your lesson to my breast along with her ' . 0 , spirits , merciful , and good , I am grateful !" He might have said more , but the Bells , the old familiar Bells ; his own dear , constant , steady friends , the Chimes ! began to ring the joy peals for a Kew Year , so tastily , so merrily , so happily , so R « ily , that he leapt upon his feet , andferoke the spell that bound him . Yes ; the spell is broken—the vision is gone—the goblins have vanished—the spirit of the Chimes has accomplished its work . " And whatever you do , father , " said Meg , " ' t cat tripe again , without asking some doctor whether it ' s likely to agree with you ; for how you have been going on , good gracious ! "
Guess Trotty ' s astonishment and delight ! For the details of the finale we must refer our readers to the book itself . Enough , that all ends happily , and Richard and Meg , young , happy , and hopeful , are married . Lilian is not dead , but still a beauteous child . Witt Fern ijnds a friend more likely than Alderman Cute , in the person of Mrs . Chickenstolker , who proves to be a relation he was in quest of . And the whole ends with a joyous dance , in which Trotty and Mrs . Ckickenstalkxr take the lead , in a step unknown before or since ; founded on liis own peculiar trot . The CMmm , in its " outward and visible appearance , " is an elegant book ; beautifully illustrated by Messrs . Mac-use , St . v . mield , Leech , and Doyle .
We remember no work of Mr . Dickens's which has boon so fortunate in this respect . Its charming pictorial embellishments , accompanying the sterling stuff of which the talc is composed , fully warrants us entitling the Chimes , "The Alb am for ( he Million for 1845 . " \ nd now , reader , having traced the story of the Chimes—imperfectly , we admit—from its commencement to its close , what think you of this latest of the productions of Charles Dickens ? Whatever be that opinion , ours shall be given unreservedly . Several of the critic-craft—they must be bright boys at their business !—have very sagely set about comparing the C / iv « w ; s with the previous works of Mr . Dickens ! The upshot of their
comparisons—not odious , but stupid—has been that these knowing gentlemen have voted the Chimes trash ! We opine they have discovered b y this ttnie that the public , and themselves , hold opinions directly the reverse of each other . It appears not to have struck these worthies that the Chimes ih a book widely different to any work heretofore written by Mr . Dickens . True , every work yet written by Mr . Dickkns has had for its object the elevation and improvement of mankind , and the enlargement of those kindly sympathies which have so much to dp with the existence and promotion of human happiness . But , in the Chimes , expressing views of man and society far more comprehensive than : he has before put . forth , Mr .
IJ 1 CKKN 8 enters the public arena , as the champion of the people I Welfarisms , however happy , would be out of place in awork of this description . The masses arc the victims of undeserved suffering ; their cause is a solemn one ; and solemnly , with an eloquence that "was never excelled ; in "thoughts that breathe and words that burn , " Mr . Dickens pleads that cause against the cruel , capting , unnatural , blaspheming doctrines and actions of the ruling classes of society . But the parties who denounce the Chimes as " trash , " charge on Mr . Dickens the sins of " exaggeration , " and "extravagance , " "inflation" and "falsehood" and an intent to array " party against party . arid class against class . " Wo
leave it to our readers , too many of whom we fear are not far removed from the suffering conditian of the Will Fern's and Meggy Vecfcs—to say , whether in describing the wrongs of their class , the condition of the agricultural labourer , and the bitter toil of the sempstress , Mr . DickSns has been guilty of " exaggeration , " " extravagance , " " inflation , " " falsehood . " "Party' ijj " arrayed against party , " and "daks against class ; " they have been long ao arrayed ; for that , the rich and the ruling classes are responsible . The advocates . for , and apologists of , the rich , are numerous as corruption ' s wages can purchase ; but the advocates of the poor are , like " angeFs visits , few and far between . " i ^ obly , therefore , does Mr . Dickens * throw the
weight of his gTeat name into the scale on poverty's side ; and if he seems to join in the strife of " party against party , and class against class , " it is to help the wronged to justice , and the miserable to a better state of existence ; ends which not only sanctify the struggle , but would also , if achieved , put an end to the war of classes and of parties , and establish unity and brotherhood in the place of hostility and hatred . We do not say that the Chimes is in each and every tittle a superior work . On the contrary , in plot and construction , we think it decidedly inferior to any other production of Mr . Diokens ' s pen . But viewed in its political character and bearings , it hdecidedly the best work Mr . Dich'ns has produced . It is the voice of poetry ; the voice of" thought and feeling , appealing to eternal justice against " man ' s inhumanity to man : " a voice ,, which ; while it will cause many an oppressor to shrink before its
echo , will impart hope to the oppressed , and strengthen in thousands the chewing , saving belief that a better futttre for the ' mamj toill come , when the condition of England ' s sons will be the reverse of that of Will Fern ; and England ' s daughters be redeemed from that worse than Egyptian . bondage , so truly , sadly pictured in the character of Meggy Veck . ' I'faith , "Boz" has "played the veiy dickens" with our " Garland . " Trotty , and Meg , and Will , and Cute , have so trenched upon otir allotted space , that despite our second wreath , we shall , after all , be compelled to omit several bouquets , poetical and prose , which we had intended to form " part and parcel" of this , year ' s selection . Having said so much in praise of the press when rightly directed , and the pen when honestly employed , we don't know that we could do better than give the following beautiful lines by a lady , Mrs . E . S . Craven Green , in honour of
THE OBEY GOOSE QCI 1 . L . Feather of Eagle , or plume of snow , On warrior ' s crest , or on beauty ' s brow , Kissing the fair cheek ' s peach-like bloom , Or seen by a flash thro' tbe battle ' s gloom . Mighty , your conquests ; but prouder still Is the triumph won by the Grey Goose . Quill Ye have revell'd long in the golden store Of the poet ' s thought and the sage ' s lore ; Ye who have won by tbe power of mind The charmed land where the past is shrin'd But the veil from the temple is rent , and lo In a thousand hearts its treasures glow , And a spirit lives trt that mighty throng , Born > of the glory obscured so long . .
The manv hnre drank from the fopnt divine , And their souls are athirst for its deathless wine Light from heaven has vyarm'd the clay—¦ Darkness shrinks from the eoming day ; The world's deep heart has felt a thrill , The hidden might of the grey Goose Quill ! In the darken'd mine , by the restless wheel , Bright thoughts on the weary heart shall sUal . The furrow has past from the craftsman ' s brow , Some pleasant fancy is with him now 5 Or his soul is trane'd by the potent rhyme Of some- mighty bard of the olden time ! He shall crouch no more by his cottage hearth , A dnrken'd , sordid shape of earth ; A tool just fashion'd of human clay , To be wrought at will , or cast away , His MIND is awake !—he has heard the call—* ' Knowledge and life for the bondsman thrall ;'' He has wip'd from his name the serfdom ban ,
And taken his place with his fellow man . Knowledge / and Power , and Freedom!—ye Speed well on ^ your course , 0 mighty three f Who shall resist your boundless will , Or stay , the flight of the Grey Goose Quill How shall thy wonder 9 , O , Art t expand When the mind ghall guide the working hand . When science enlightens the craftsman ' s skill , And his tAougM shall live and be shap'd at will . ' The many shall judge , and be toss'd no more Like shifting sands on the wild sea shore ; Tools of a party—their new waked power Shall have noble aims in the coming hour-True and trustful shall each unite , Cairn in their own acknowledged might-Land of the bold , thewfj * . the free ! Bright sball thy name amid nations be . Knowledge and freedom , shall guard the still , For strong is . the might of the Grey G oose Quill . We closed Wreath I . , with , a . call to our readers to drink the health of France and Freedom's poet ,
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Behatoer ; and we cannot close Wreath II , without reverting to the noble spirits who , leaving all for liberty , devote themselves to freedom ' s holy cause . We have lately teen { gratified , delighted we should sav , by perusing ] in the Athenosum translations of " a few of the lyrics of Fbbdinan-d Freiusrath , a German poet ; who though very foun g , has already acquired an European fame . Ie was in the receipt of a pension from the King of Prussia , bestowed on him in 1842 , which pension he has voluntarily relinquished , in order that , untrammelled and unbought , he may devote his high poetic powers to the service of the people and liberty . In his own words ] : — "Free , I choose-my station With the people , and their cause make mine .
' Poet , march and labour with thy nation . ' ' Thus I read , to-day , my Schiller ' s line . ' The following splendid song , b y Fkeilighath , we commend to our readers , hoping that wherever the sons of Democracy are assembled ; wherever the bowl is quaffed to the downfall \ of despots , and tbe triumph of liberty , there will this magnificent hymn ring from the lips of every patriot present . OUR FREEDOM ANDJRIGHT ! 0 ! think not henceforth they must fie in the tomb , O ! think not henceforth thoy will hide from our sight , Though the voice of bold speakers isjbid to he dumb , And none but the false ones have licence to write , No ' , no ! tho' our martyrs in oxile abide them , Though others , outworn with the Tyrants who ride them , Should lance their own veins in the ! dungeons that hide them , \ Yet Freedom still lives ' and beside her The Right .
Our Freedom and Right ' Nor let us look blank at a single rebuiT , — To purchase full victory , the warrior ; must fight ; This stirs but , and rouses the hearts ! of true stuff To cheer all the louder for Freedom ! and Bight ! For still the two Holy ones flourish together ; Share arms and adventures through iair and foul weather , Where Eight is , the Free , uninvited , ' fly thither ; And ever , where Freemen live ., there ' rules The Right ! Lives Freedom , with Right .
Let this , too , console us ; the pair , till to-day From conquest to conquest ne ' er made such a flight ; Ne ' er flowed their full breathing with healthier play , To stir e'en the humblest of hinds with its might;—A 1 J , round the wide world , to each state they are speeding , On each coast they are wakening , [ and mustering , and leading : < They have struck from the vassal the bonds he lay dead in , j And stripped from the Negro the chain of the White !
Twin Freedom and Right . Ayp ! spread are their banners , and wave everywhere , Each shame to abolish , cai-h wrong to requite ; Aye ! here if defeated , hey ' re conquerors there ! And their trium ] : !; , : itl > t , shall be perfect as bright , 0 God ! what a garland to duck the high pair in , All leaves that all lands on their standards are wearing , The olive of Greece , the green trefoiljof Erin , And the German oak-wre : ith , showing first in the light ' . Our Freedom and Right . ' True , many , ore then , that now groan , will lie low ; Yet still sleep the just , and their slumber is lights—And still on their tombs the twin glorious shall glow , Fw whom we bless thorn , too , —our ! freedom and right . ' Charge glasses ! a health to the brave , that contending For truth , dared oppression and misery , unbending , Who wrongfully suffered our right for defending ;—To justice for ever ! and freedom through Right ;
Our Freedom through Right : i We shall probably take an early opportunity of bringing our readers to a closer acquaintance with this noble poet . In the meantime ; three cheers and success to "Young Germany , " sand their glorious bard Ferdinand Freu-igjratd . i But we must conclude . The space allotted for our " Garland" has been greatly exceeded ; and though we are loth to leave our pleasing labour , yet quit it we must . Where , then , can we find a hearty , joyous chorus with which to conclude ? j We have foilna it . ' 1 lere , from the pen of our talented and esteemed friend , James M'Kowejj , several of whose excellent effusions have enriched our columns , we give , — last , not least , — i
A Christmas song . Come drink , again with me , boys , And never fear , and never fear , The man , if man he be , boys , j Who d at us sneer , who'd at us sneer ; In moments bright as this boys , ! What churlish soul , what churlish soul , Would e ' er refuse to kiss , hoyB , ¦ The wassail bowl , the wassail bowl . Then fill the goblet , now boys , i To friendship dear , to friendship dear , Ere Time bind o ' er his brow , bo ^ s , The waning year , the waning year . To him of honest heart , boys , ¦ ' We'll drink indeed , we ' ll drink indeed ; Who scorneth to desert , boys , ' .
A mend in need , a friend in need ; Who dreads no despot ' s chain , boys , Nor bigot ' s bann , nor bigot ' s bann ; But nobly doth maintain , boys , ; The Rights of Man , the Rights of Man Then drink to him with me , boy 3 , And never fear , and never fear ; 'Tis "Nobles" such as he , boys , That we revere , that we reverie ! To him who strives to dry , boys ; The sufferer ' s tear , the sufferer ' s tear ; Or breathe a word of balm , boys , In sorrow's ear , in sorrow's ear ; And ever proves a foe , boys , j To guilty power , to guilty power ; To him the bowl shall flow , bovs ,
This joyous hour , this joyous hour . Then drink to him with me , boys . And never fear , and never fear ; 'Tis Nobles such as he , boys , j That we revere , that we revere ! And now , good reader , our " Garland" for 1844 is completed ; and for us it only remains to wish thee a happy new year ! In the beautiful language of Charles Dickens— " May the New Year be a happy one to you—happy to many more whose happiness depends on you ! So may each year be happier than the last , and not the humblest of our brethren or sisterhood debarred their rightful share , in what our ( ircat Creator formed them to enjoy ' . "
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Eeos n Lent . —In Ireland regulations for feflw ing are differently arranged , in different panfliiea ; in some eggs are forbidden . to be . used , or qyenTWK , or cream in- tea , on : stated days . In a parish in the county of Kildare eggs were prohibited ; ; and , in confession , Paddy Blake , the son of a celebrated oqektighter , deposed to having infringed . the order . Upon being told by the priest that those , eggs might have contained chickens , Paddv replied , " Oeh , no , yoor riyerence , sure they were biled . " " No matter , " replied the priest , "they might have had chickens all the same . " The priest , however , considered the offender ' s age , and pardoned him . A short time afterwards the priest , wishing for some of the fine breed of Paddv ' s father's < ocks , asked Paddy for a
clutch of his best eggs . Pat promised to obey , and m a few days returned with the eggs . They were duly placed under a careful hen , and at . the end of three weeks , the usual time allotted for hatching chickens , inspection was made , but not a single egg chipped , k month passed , and no chickens . At length , after five weeks , the priest ' s patience was exhausted , and curiosity led him to break one of the eggs , when , to his astonishment , lie found it was ; boiled , and hard as a bullet : he went through the ceremony of breaking the whole clutch , and having discovered that all were alike , he seat for Paddy , and thus accosted him : " You little rascal , the eggs you brought me were all boiled . " " Och , yes , your riverence ; 1 was afraid I'd smash them if I brought them raw ; and , sure , your honour told me there might be chickens in them just the same . "
Divorce . —" ¦ I ' ve a friend who wants to get divorced , " said a gentleman to a legal friend , " bow ' s he to set about it ? " "If he ' s rich , go to Doctors ' Commons ; and provided he can prove the necessary facts , he may do it for a thousand pounds . " " But he ' s poor , sir . " " In that case , " said the lawyer , " he must go to the union workhouse , where , without proving any crime against his wife , they will divorce him directly . "
Husband Axn Wife . —Sterne , who used his wife very ill , was one day talking to Garriek in a fine sentimental manner , in praise of conjugal love aod fidelity . "The husband , " said Sterne , " who behaves unkindly to his wife , deserves to have his house burnt over his head . " " If you think so , " said Garrick , " I hope your house is insured . " > good turn deserves a-votheb . —When Frederick Reynolds , the dramatist , mentioned to a friend that he was about to appear in the character of a n « - velist , he complained to him of the many difficulties he should have to encounter in his new undertaking '; the latter replied , " Think , when the work is over , of the pleasure of correcting the press . " "Aye !" rejoined Fred , " and when that work is over , think of thejwvss having the pleasure of correcting me . ' "
Cost of a Watcii . —During the war of 1796 , a sailor went into a watchmaker ' s shop in the city , and handing out a small French watch to the ingenious aitist , demanded how much the repairs would com * to . The . watchmaker looking at it , said it wovdd cost him more in repairs than the original purchase . " Oh ! if that is all , I don ' t mind . , that , " replied the sailor ; " I will even give double the original cost , for 1 have a veneration for the watch . " " What might you have given for it ? " inquired the watchmaker . " Why , " said Jack , twitching his trousers , " I gave a French fellow a knock on the head for it ; and if you'll repair it I'll give you two . "
A DiFFicui / rr . — " Dick , " said a "master to his servant , " have you fed the pigs ? " " Yes , massa , me fed ' em . " " Did you count them , Dick ? " " Yes , massa , me count 'em , all but one . " " All but one ?" " Yes , massa , all but one—dare be one little speckled pig , he frisks about so much me couldn't count him . " As Inference . —A servant had lived many years with a clergyman , and his master took occasion to say , "John , you have been a long time in my service : I dare say you will be able to preach a sermon
as well as I ? " " 0 no , sir , " said John , " but many an inference 1 have drawn from yours . " il Well , " said the clergyman , " I will give you a text out of Job ; let me hear what you infer from it : — ' And the asse 9 snuffed up the east wind . "' " Well , " replied John , " the only inferenoe I can draw from that is , they would be a long time before they would grow fat upon it . " An Orange Venture . —Leigh Hunt was asked by a lady at dessert , if he would not venture on an orange . " Madam , I should be happy to do so , but I am afraid I should tumble off . "
Sharp Retort . —Sir William C- — being at a parish meeting , made certain proposals , which an influential farmer objected to , and so effectually that they were not carried . Highly enraged , " Sir , " says he to the farmer , " you may be a judge of a plough , but you know nothing of the subjects in which you interfered . I think I ought to be well informed upon them ; I have been at both the universities , and at two colleges in each . '' ' 'Well , sir , '' replied the farmer , " and what of that ? I had a calf that sucked two cows , and the observation I made , was , that the more he sucked , the greater calf he grew .
The Countby Fiddler . —A rustic Paganini was ao fond of accompanying his performance on the violin con spirito , that it frequently brought him into many scrapes , as well as distress . A gentleman meeting him one day looking very doloroso , said , " Why , Jack , what ails you , isn ' t your fiddle in tune ? " " No , zur , " replied Jack , " it be in pawn . " ' DiNXEK-nuxruro . — " Do you hunt ? " inquired a " countryman" of D . " Hunt , did you say , my darlint , " replied he : " to be sure I do , every born day of my life . " " And pray , " continued his friend , '' what description of game do you pursue ? " " What game ' . " thundered Dan , " why , the best of all game ; that that comes to the table—a dinner , to be sure !" The " oder Pat" was satisfied .
A WoNnEB in Heaven . — In the neighbourhood of Kilbarchan , there lived two men , father and son , weavers by trade ; and sole inhabitants of the tenement . For-years they had made family worship n rule before going to bed , the old man praying , and the son reading the . chapter . One night the son was reading from the 12 th chapter of Revelations— " Another wonder in heaven , a great dragoon . " " Stop , Hughie , " says the father , "thou ' rt wrong ; it ' s no cln « joon , it's a dragon . " " Wha should ken best ?' quoth Hughie , " whenlhae the beuk afore me . ?" " Vm nae heeding aboot that ; I hae read it fifty times , and I ' m reet ; dear me , Hughie , did thou ever hear o' a dragoon being in that gude place ? I ne ' er did . " " Ay , ay , father ; but this is a wonder , though . " " Wecl , weel , read awa ' , Hughie ; it could na be ony o' Claver ' s bloody troopers at any rate . " "
A timely- Repartee . — A soldier of Marshal S axe's army being discovered in a theft , was condemned to be hanged . What he had stolen might be worth five shillings . The Marshal meeting him as he was being led to execution , said to him : " What a miserable fool you were , to risk your life for five shillings ! " " General , " replied the soldier , " 1 have risked it every day for five-pence . " This repartee saved his life . Modesty . — An Irishwoman once called upon an apothecary with a sick infant , when he gave her a powder , of which he ordered as much as would lie on The
a sixpence to be given every morning . woman replied , " Perhaps your honour would lend me the sixpence the while , as I have not got one by me at all . " Unanimity . —A Scotch parson in Ms prayer said , " Laird , bless the grand council ( the Parliament ) , and grant they may hang together . " A country fellow standing by replied , " Yes , sir , with all my heart , and the sooner the better ; and I am sure it is the prayer of all good people . " " But , friends , " said the parson , " I don ' t mean as that fellow does , but pray they may all hang together in accord and concord . « No matter what cord , " replied the other , " so'tis
a strong one . ' The . Irishman axh the Humbug . — A poor Irishman was travelling on the outside of a coach from Bristol to London , and was observed tobe very uneasy , and to seek every opportunity for indulging in a comfortable scratch . " What , Pat , " said some of his companions , " have you got the itch ? " "No , replied Pat , "but I ' m ate alive with bugs . " " 0 , never mind , " said some of Mb companions , " you re used to . it . " " No , " said Pat , " we have no such thing in . our country . " " Nonsuch 'thing ! Well done , Pat . I slept about a week ago at Cashel , and they took the clothes off the bed , and would have pulled me after them if it had not been for my dog , that slept in the room ; why , they ' re as large as rabbits . I forget what they call them . " " OcB , I axes . pardon , " said Pat , " I knows them sure enough ; them is what we calls humbugi . "
Rtjssia BiNniwo . —An Irish gentleman took a book to his binder , who asked bimtf he would hare jt bound in Russia . « 0 , Jasus , no 1 » replid he , do you think I can wait for the book while it is making a sea voyage ? You must get it bound in Dublui . FORBIDWNO THE Ba . VDS .-A ' iitefat Of * $£ * $ [» coming into a parlour where the Doctor had laid a fine hunch of grapes for his own eating ^ k it up , and said I publish the banns between . these grape * and mV Jnoutfi : ¦ if any one taows a ^ y just cause or impediment why these two should not
lejoinedjogether let them declare it . " uwMwwr ueuw « urn next room , overheard all that was said , and coming into the room , ordered the boy who had eaten the erapea to be taken up , or , as they called it , horsed on another boy ' s back ; bat before he proceeded to the usual discipline he cried out aloud , as the delinfflient had done , VI publish , the banns between my rod and this boy ' s breech i if any OBeknows any just cause or impedimentwiry these two should not Kb joined together let thenxxdecltte ^ it . " " I forbid the Tjanns , " criedthehoy .. \ V ^ hyBOjfjiald the lector ,
vBecause the parties , art * MJf | .. j ) £ nf& '' ^ PW ' ^' . W which answer janleMWtfi& $ > * n ° r ^^ ™ 5 toy readiness of witinhis ^ cho ^ rs jthatheortfcreit the-bOy tobeletdown . , .. , A U- ?' --. w As AwK ^ . 1 THRBAT .-U 3 harles Jd ^^?**?* * lent feUow he ^ oda ; Mbkm to heU : {• & «« £% said the other , "I will m yotar father jgp&M& squandering hi * money . " r - ' ' "Mp ^^^^ f' "¦ ' ^ Lf ^ 'Tte ^
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A BOWL OF PUNCH * FRESH BREWED . Punch ' s Almanack for 1846 . 7—We advise all our readers to immediately become purchasers of Punch's Almanack . The illustrations are excellent , and will be found provocative of never-ending amusement . We subjoin a few extracts : — j Soliloquy of a Sheriff ' s Pfficer . — " Hilary Term ! Pshaw ! There ' s nothing hilarious about our terms now . This is a precious jland of liberty , this is ! ven a sheriff ' s officer can't find a shoulder to turn his hand to . Time vas , ven I t » ok my two bottles and my six bodies a-day . But now 1 thinks brandyand-vater a luxury , and hasn't ai much as a diaman ' ring to my finger ; I yonder ven they'll gladden my heart with a " execution ? " for the sheriff ' s officer who weuldn't serve a fellow-eretiur in a . distress isn't vorthy of the name . of Levy ! So I may as veil sell Madame Tussaud my top-boots to stand by them figures of VeUington ' s and Blucher's .
Worthy op Attention . —Advice to persons about to marry . —Don't . j A Voice from the Bakehouse . —A good baker should grow his own mutton . This is easily done by placing your customer ' s legs inj a row , according to sixes . Having purchased the smallest leg you can find , change it for one of the bakings which is a little larger ; that again should take the place of the next bulkier joint , and so on until you arrive at the largest . You can then walk off with youij leg . A good crop of bak'd taters may be got by digging one out of each customer ' s dish . j Ornithological debut . —The cuckoo makes its first appearance before a British public early in spring , and trusts to that indulgence which an English audience is never known to withhold from strange birds who come in the character of foreign vocalists .
Directions for FiNnrao a Poijceman . —Look down every area in the street ; if you do not by accident see one , ring the bell and inquire if the policeman is in the kitchen . Repeat this at I every door , and you cannot fail eventually to find one . Medical . —Certain cure of a cold in aprima donna . Stop her Salary , or put a rising jvocalist in her part . Boilisg . — The boiling point varies in different localities . In Belgrave and Grosvenor-squares , Mayfair , and Spring-gardens , the pot can hardly be boiled
under £ 3 , 000 a-year . Whereas up at Camden lown the pot will boil at £ 150 or £ 200 : and about St . Giles ' Spitalfields , at Ts . or 8 s . per week . Literary . —June is Nature ' s publishing season , when she sends forth several of her periodicals . That splendid annual the strawberry begins to appear in parts , and the gooseberry comes forth in numbers . Some apples and pears may also be expected , as specimens ofsome early editions of those beautiful standard works in Nature ' s library . f
The Abt of Packing . —A carpet bag 6 hould be packed by placing the clean linen in first , including the frilled shirts . After which ] stuff in the coats ana boots , garnish with shaving tackle , and ram down with hair hruBh . If the packipg is not then successful , insert your foot into the bag , and pull fiercely at the handles . It does not matter about the carpet bag being wide open at both sides , so as it is closed with a padlock in the middle , j Hdjts tor Shopping . — If you want to purchase ft £ ie . ce of tape , go to Waterloo House , and ask to look at everything new in dresses , cardinals , cloaks , muffs , carpets , and feathers . ! Having fixed upon what you would purchase if you had the money , say , you see nothing to suit you , buy your tape , and rer solve ; by future rigid economy in the house-keeping to squeeze that duck of a polka jacket out of the pies and puddings . j
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December 28 , 3844 . THE NORTHERN STAR . 3
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Citation
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Northern Star (1837-1852), Dec. 28, 1844, page 3, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse2.kdl.kcl.ac.uk/periodicals/ns/issues/vm2-ncseproduct1295/page/3/
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