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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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A CHRISTMAS GAHLAXD . TTBEATH IL Ihcwg PT ^ "ff lyrical poets few have achieved a greaterpxroalaritTiftan'fa . m Goos . This arises from the feet , that although her poetrvis certainly not of ibe highest order , it is ^ nevertheless true to nature . Jf she essays not those loftv flights which only the mighty few may hope to aspire to , she is not the less j ^ Sex orbit atrue poet , In sim plicity she descends to the comprehension of the humblest ^ -while allied Ttith that simplicity die exhibits a force of thought Trhich becomes to the many a voice uttering for them the troths they feel hut are unable to articulate .- Of this we have a striking example In the beautiful lines on Christmas Trhich Trill be found bekrsr , and for ¦ which "we are indebted to our
contemporary the Weady Dirpatch . Curioos-enough the writer MJnst now located , and has been since his arnTalin London ( he speaks personally ) in thehome of Euzi Cook ' s birth , and childhood ! Genius , ¦ Khieh enobles all things with-which it is associated , may yet hallow the spot where the vouthfnl mind ofthispleasingpoeiess first awoke tothelight andlife of the Muse ' s inspiration . Indeed the writer knows ibose Trithin the -circle of his acquaintance who Tronic traverse jfield and flood , simply to see the spot where he has for the present pitched his tent He can only say , that should they favour him frith their company , although holding aio appoint ment from the lady , nor authorised to represent her , he Trfflyet do Ms best to "welcome her devotees and admirers .
CHB 1 STXAS SOSG OT THE POOJ KA 5 "A merrj Christmas , Gen&eme */" "Tis thus the ancient dim runs : Bnt minstrels chime no nailing rhyme , Por Poverty's iofr , haggard sons . A merry Christmas to ye all , "flTho sit beneath the green-rvrin'd roof , To mark how £ ast the snow flakes fell , Or listen lo the ringing 'hoof . A pleasani rune the north -wind hums , When thafs trillion t , and ye -within ; But like a serpent ' s fang It comes Cpoa the poor man ' s naked sian . A merrr Christmas to f e all ,
"VTho fold irarm robc-s oe ' r limh and breast , TTho deep enclosed by c ^ rtain'd Trail , TTith blankets on tout couch of rest . 3 J-Q 1 3 the poor man-r'niiai shall be The merry -Christmas tide to me ? Tve seen men hew the Jog trnnk through , Fre seen them bear the holly by , To pile -upon the sparkling hearth , A-nd grace the staffd ox smoking high . The oal-rioot is a mighty thing 5 And beauteous the berry red ; Bnt hollow is the jot ther bring
To eyes that dimly looi for bread . The poor man's £ re ;—pshaw ! hotr should he Peel snch a strange , luxurious -want 1 The poor man ' s meal—0 , let it be Some scrap , untarnished , cold and Bcant ! "A merry Christmas , GeT&cmen , " 'Tis thus the ancient dicey rans ; But nought we hear of welcome cheer , Tor ' PoTrertr ' s low , haggard sons , 3 > or malt , nor meat , nor fruit , nor -wine : 0 , a merry Christmas Trill be mine ! A rapid ding-dong swelleth round ; " The giant steeples shake with glee ; Asd misleioe is gallv bound
"'Kith ¦ branches from the lanrel tree . The midnight gloom is deep—but , hark ! The tones of imdJy custom Host ¦ Surp ^ t Tn -nsirr cometh in the dart , TTith voices greeting , as they g-- > . " A merry Christmas , ffentk ^ es . " Aje , great ones , it is all your own I . The hour is sung T the harp is strung-, "Where Plenty flings her treasures down : What has the poor -ma-n got to do TTith bells and bay-wreaths , songs and mirth Let me creep on with ^ Misery ' crew , "Tvrai piercing sty and : frozen earth : 2 f or malt , nor meat , nor Snot , nor wine : 0 , a merrv ikristrEias tide is mine I
The rich mans ooy laughs load to find Thick ice Bpon the streamlet's tide ; Eis round cheeks fi-eshen in the wind , His irano feet bound along the slide . 3 at Bttle lores the poor man ' s heir Upon tie stagnant rill to loois ; He cronches from the "biting air ; tts thin blood curdles ffith the brook . The TTeH-born daughter smiles to thrnT ; How gay the lighted room will seem IHien friends shall meet to dance and drink , And all be glad as fairy dream . The poor man ' s girl shall only care To hng her tatter'd garment tight ; To wring the hoar frost from her-hair ,
Ana pxay that sleep may come with night . Pale chSdren of a pauper slare , Hare Chnsnuaa gnmbi ^ j ^ c »> hi i »*»» c : " A merry Christmas , Gentlemen . '" Jill , ffil jonr glzsszs high and fast ; The north -nind ' s shriek is fiercely bleak , What matter . " let it rattle past . ¦ " A merry Christmas , Ginttemen , " Peast on and chant ~ a blythesome strain , The cutting caul grows bleaker sun ,
What matter : fill the glass again . Stir up rhe blaze—rejoice and feed . Shont and be happy -as ye can , — Hj groan zrrtsts ye ' . tai . e no heed . 'Tis bat a hungry fellow man . " A-merry "Christnias , GmUemen . ' " ' * Tis thns the ancient ditty runs : 3 fo * o 2 gae shall sing , no bells shall riaz Tct TovcrryV low , haggard sons ; 5 or malt , sur in = at . nor frnit , nor wine O a merrv Christmas tide is mine 1
But * tii time ¦ sr ^ Tetarned to " The Chimet : a Goblin St-jty -.. / fsuit IkZUthat Rang an Old Tear out and s 3 m JV'JT- in . ' The reader will remember that "we left Alderman Laurie—w * beg pardon , — Cv . u we mean— -lecturing M&zn& Richard on the enormity of committing matrimony , and forewarning the former that if she ever hi A the pleasure of being bronght before him i £ his official character of ^ nst-ass , he would certainly yut her down . This worthy despatches TrisWj whh a letter to one Sir Joirph Bowley , -sa
* meulraral friend of Al-iermzn Cutc ' i , and a great *' " Friend and Father to the Poor . " TheMalthnsian teachings of the tripe denouncers have tempted Jr-M ' j to admit the belief that the poor are really bid , and the author of their own troubles , and also of all the trouble they are supposed to cause the Test of society . Ills interview with Sir Joseph Bcvrl n serres ' hut to strenctheQ these "withering unpreserons . At first Trotty is disposed to greatly * dmire the representative of the Buckingham School of Labour ' s friends : —
" TBZ TOOX XiS ' S miSJ ) . •^ Twn hare no bill or demand upon me ; my name is B > jw 1 « j , > ir Joseph Bowiey ; of any kind , from anybodj , hav ? yt . u V said -Sir Joseph . " If yon have , present it . flier * k a cheque-b > x > k by the side of Mr . Pish . I allow nothing to he carried into the new year XFtrj description of account is settled in this house at the d « js « vf - ihe old on =. So that if death was toto—" c To cut , " stiz-ested Mr . Tish . u ti > itM& , sir , " returned Sir Joseph , with great aspe
n : ; , " the cord of-exist * n«—my affairs would "be found , 1 hop ^ in saxe of preparation . " "ilj dexr Sir Joseph , " said the lady , who was greatly younger tkan the gentleman , " How shocking V fc 3 iy lady Bowley , " returned Sir Joseph , flonndering M » and then , as in the great dtpth of his observations , * 'at this season of the year we should think of—ofourselves . "We shonld look into OBff—onr—^ acconnts . ? e shonld feel thar erary retarn of so eventful a period is . human transactions involves matters of deep mositat berjrfcea a m ^ p and his—and hi ^ banker . "
I aia the poor man ' s iriend /* observed Sir Joseph , ^ lanchig a : the poor man present . " As such I may be t&natcd . As such I have been taunted . Bnt I ask EOorher-title- " ' 'Bless him for a noble g ^ ntleaian V thought Trotty . 1 1 don ' t ajree with CmI ? hrre , for instance , " said Sir Joseph , holding out the l ^ ter . " I don ' t agree with the Piler jiarty . I don ' t agree with any party . My xrcend the poor maT * "hac no Dusxness Tvith ajiTthin ^ of that sort , and nothing of that sort has any business with hin . M j friend the poor man in my district , i » my fcnsinesg . 2 ft > " » " or body of men has any light to interfere between my friend and me . This is the ground 1 take . 1 assnine a—a paternal character towards my Mend . I say , my good fellow , I will treat jou paternaHv .
7 % listened with great gravity , and began to feel more comfortable . lia-comfonable Btate of feeling did not last long . -It was a role -with Sir Joieph to settle all outstanding accounts on the day prerions to the commenoepeatoftheXewYear : His secretary , a JB 5-. FUTi , tttaBs emplored -with a huge cheqne-book beeide Jun ^ uien the Baronet questions Trottv as to hit pteparedBBBs for the New Tear , and is shocked to new irotty confess that he owes some ten or twelve ¦""" D gStoaJfrj . ^ tciautoZkr . vrlin V « nM » « m > 11
* m m the " general line ; " besides ^ whieh he ova some tnfle for Tent . The letter Trattv has ^ oogliV&om merman ( hat apprises Sir Joseph of We amral in London of one WiOiam Fern , a iawnrer on the latter ^ estate , « eMng employ-% Saa ^ i ^ ^ ^ Idennan ) ttDI engage to A ^ L ^ £° * ohwnS *™ personaWif SiTj Zsepb t !^ - */« 9 *» of course , desires it ; and Inm , is sent back with a R » ly to that eflbt . Haruig discharged his commis ^ ij he SS 5 ^ -F % m - Zbn ; Ad is carryii ^ S SS&SSB&S ' % ?«* ^^^ for the
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Till FEKJf . " Ifs impossible , " cried Toby with a start , " that your name ' s Fern 2 " " Bhl" cried the other , turning on him in astonishment " Pern ! Will Fern ' . " said Trotty . " Thatfs my name , " replied the other . " " ^^ y then , " cried Trottr , seizing him by the arm , and looking cautiously around , " for Heaven ' s sate don ' t go to him : Don ' t go to him . ' Hell pnt you down as sure as ever you were born . Here ! come up this alley , and TT 1 tell yon what I mean . Don't go to Mm . " His new acquaintance looked as if he thought him mad ; "but ie bore him company nevertheless . "When they were shrouded from observation , Trott * told him tvha ' t
he knew , and what character he had received , and all about it . The subject of his history listened to it frith a calmness that surprised him . He ^ id not contradict or interrupt it ohce . He nodded his head now and then—more in corroboration of an old and worn-out story , it appeared , than in refutation of it , and once or twice threw back his hat , and passed his freckled hand over a brow , where everj- furrow he had ploughed seemed to have set its image in little . But he did no more . " It is true enough in the main , " he said , " master . I could sift grain from husk here and there , but let it be as '& « . "VThat odds ? I have gone against his plans : to mj misfortun . I can ' t help it ; I should do the like to-morrow . As to character , them gentlefolks will search and search , and pry and pry , and have it as free from spot and speck in us , afore thevTl help us to a drv
good word 1 Well ! I hope they don ' t lose good opinion as easy as -we do , or their lives is strict indeed , and hardly worth the keeping . For myself , master , I never took with that hand "—holding it before him— " what wasn ' t my own ; and never held it back from work , however hard , or poorly paid . Whoever can deny it , let him chop it off I Bnt when -rrork won ' t maintain meUke a human creetur ; when my living is so bad , that I am hungry , out of doors and in ; when I see a whole working life begin that way , go on that way , and end that way , tritbont a chance or change ; then I say to the gentlefolks , Keep away from me : Let my cottage be . My doors is dark enough without your darkening of ' em more . Don ' t look for me to come up into the Park to help the show when there ' s a birthday , or a fine speechmaking , or wliat not . Act your plays and games withourike , and be welcome to ' an , and enjoy ' em . We ' ve nought to fio with one another . I'm brst let alone . '"
With some difficulty Trotty persuades his new found acquaintance to accompany him home , and share his humble lodging for the " night . Arrived there , Troth ) expends the sixpence he has earned in carrying Cutts letter , in purchasing tea and a rasher of bacon for his wearied guests . " Here we are and here we go . '" cried Trotty , running roundthe room , and choking audibly . " Here , Uncle Will ! Here ' s a fire , you know ' Why don ' t you come to the fire ! G , here we are and here we go ! Meg , my precious darling , there ' s the kettle ? Here it is and here it goes , and it'll bile in do time '"
The whole scene is delightful , and in the author ' s best ¦ s tyle . We regret we cannot afford room to give it . After tea the man and child retire to rest , and Trotty betakes himself to the perusing of his newspaper , in which he lights on the account of a woman who had not only laid desperate hands on her-own life , but also on that of her young chili Shocked at so unnatural and cruel an " act , Trotty ' s evil genius again takespossession « f him , and he concludes that the poor must be bad , and that those who could do such deeds had no business on earth . The goblin part of the story now commences . While running over the newspaper horrors , Trotty falls asleep ; and what follows is a vision , in which , a la
Scro- > je , he is made to see into futurity by the goblins of the bells . Of tourse the reader is ' not let into the secret that the scenes which arise before Trotty ' t eyes are really and only the shadows of a disordered imagination , occasioned by the indigestibility ol a tripe dinner . That is a secret which the author keeps to the dose of the volume , when , to the great relief both of Trotty and the reader , the phantoms conjured up disappear , and all ends jovously and happily . To return to the bells . Trotty has hardly thought the bad thought of his fellow-creatures occasioned by the perusal of his newspaper , when lo ' . the Chimes begin to ring , and to his fancv their one uirraryinepeal is " Toby Veck , Toby Veck ; waiting for tou , 'Toby I Come and see us , come and see us . I > rag him to us , drag him to us—haunt and hunt him , haunt and hunt him ! " Under the influence of this navsterious summons Tobv leaves his «> om and
hies him to the church . To his surprise he finds the door a-jar , and impelled onward by some agency he is powerless to contend with , he mounts the stairs of the tower . Higher up , and higher up , he proceeds , until , by climbing and clambering , he at last finds himself among the bells . Appalled now at his own daring , and the fearful loneliness of his situation , he holloas for help ; but the echo is the only reply called forth , and , overcome with terror , he sinks down in a swoon . Awaking from his stupor , he is still more terrified by witnessing the presence of a myriad of goblins . ' Getting to discern more closely his present company , ne sees among them , though but darkly visible , the Goblin ofthe Great Bell . The great g ^ Kn timrges jwur Trotty with divers misdemeanours , more particularly " his recent uncharitable thoughts when perusing his newspaper .
" Lastly , and most of all , " pursued the Bell , " Who turns his back upon the fallen and disfigured of his kind ; abandons them as vile ; and does not trace and track trith pitying eyes the unfenced precipice by which they fell from good — grasping in their fall some tufts and shreds of that lost soil , and clinging to them still when bruised and dying in the gulph below—does wrong to Heaven and man , to time and to eternity . And yoa nave done that wrong ' . " ' -Spare me , " cried Trorry , falling on Ms knees ; " for mercy ' s sake r The Goblin orders Trottv to !? o forth . aecomtiaTiipd hv be Goblin orders Trotty to go forthaccompanied by
, the '' Spirit of the Chimes ; " but first the tower opens at his feet , and he sees his own form lying on the . outside , crushed and motionless . Trotty Is made to understand that an interval of nine years has elapsed since he , ascending the tower as we have seen , was , by a false step , precipitated to the bottom and killed . His task is now to go forth in the spirit , and , seeing the woes of the poor , learn the causes of their crimes ; and this too from the then condition of those dearest to Mm . The first scene presented tohim is his daughter 2 > kj , now grown nine years older than when he last saw her , endeavouring to earn a miserable subsistence by working at embroidery . In this and subsequent scenes the author vividly and painfully pictures the misery
of the London needlewomen . 5 kg wasn't marriedthanks to the accursed Cutci and Filers for that . Thanks to their infernal lessons , Richard had taken it into his head that he mi ght do better ; that J > ¦ was n't good enough for him , < fcc . The "gentlemen" too had frightened Map . She feared , if married , she would be desert&d , and all sorts of misfortunes would be her lot . So they had lingered , and lingered , until their trust in one another ¦ was broken ; and so at last was the match . It was thus—her heart ¦ well-nigh broken , her beauty gone , and condemned tounceasingdrudgery for a wretched subsistence , that Trotty beheld his daughter . Lilian too ( THH Fern * i niece ) had grown a woman , and occupied , with J / ea , thesame room , following the Banie employment . Ilear the miseries of the embroideress —the worker of eighty flowers for sixpence ! 0 , profitocracy , where is thy shame ? 'Tis Lilian who speaks : —
" Such work , such work ; so many hours , so many days , so many long , long nights of hopeless , cheerless , neverending work—not to heap up riches , not to live proudly or gaily , not to live upon enough , however coarse , but to earn bare bread ; to scrape together just enough to toil upon , and want upon , and keep alive in us the consciousness of our hard fate ! 0 Meg , Meg . ' " She raised her voice and twined her arms about her as she spoke , like one in pain . " How can the cruel world go round , and bear to look upon such lives ?" But poor Lilian had not yet reached the worst : a lower depth was beneath her . The scene next changes to Bowler Hall , the seat of
Sir Joseph Bowley , " Friend and Father of the poor . " It is ^ ew Year ' s-day , and also the birth-day of Lady Bowley . The Hall was full of visitors . Cute and ' Filer were there . There was to be a great dinner in the Great Hall , at which & > Joseph Bawley , in Ms celebrated character of " Friend and Father of the poor , " was to make his great speech . " Sir Joseph Bowlty , Baronet and Member of Parliament , was to play a match at skittles—real skittles , with his tenants . " It was while the Baro net" was thua engaged that Cute encounters Mr . Secretary Fish : —but these worthies shall speak for themselves : —
± HZ "PtTXTEB DOTFS ' S" LAMEHTATIOX OVXK A " ZESPJECXUJLI " SP 1 CID 2 . *• My dear Alderman Cute , " said Mr . Fish ; " a little more this way . The most dreadful circumstance has occurred . I have this moment received the intelligence . The most frightful and deplorable event . '" " Fish ! " returned the Alderman . " Fish ! my good fellow , what is the matter ? 5 othing revolutionary , I hope * >* o—no attempted interference with the magistrates ?" " Deedle ' s , the banker , " gasped the secretary . " Deedles , Brothers , who was to have been here to-day—high in office in the Goldsmiths' Company . " " Sot stopped V exclaimed the Alderman . " It can't be !" " Shot himself . "
" Good God . '" " Put a double-barrelled pistol to "his mouth , in hia own cormtmg-honse , " said Hr . Fish , " and blew his brains out . 2 Jo motrre . Princely circumstances !" « Circumstances ¦* " exclaimed the Alderman . " A man of noble fortune . One of the most respectable of men . Suicide , Mr . Pish 3 Bj-his orra hand f " " This very morning , " returned Mr . Fish . " 0 , the 'brain , the brain ! " exclaimed the pious Alderman , Efting up his hands . " 0 , the nerves , the nerves -, the mysteries of this machine called Man ! 0 , the little that unhinges it I Poor creatures that we are ! Perhaps a dinner , Mr . Fish . Perhaps the conduct of his son , who , I hare heard , ran rery wild , and was in the -habit of drawing hills upon him without the least
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authority ! A most respectable man . One of the most resj > ectable men I ever knew ! A lamentable instance , ilr . Fish . A public calamity ! I shall make a point of wearing the deepest mourning . A most respectable man 1 But there is One above . We must submit , Mr . Fish . We must snbmit . ' " What , Alderman ! No word of putting down ! Bemember . Justice , your high moral boast and pride . Come , Alderman : Balance those scales . Throw me into this , the empty one , no dinner , and nature ' s founts in some poor woman , dried by Btarving misery , and rendered obdurate to claims for which her offspring Jt < u authority in holy mother Eve . Weigh me the two ; you Daniel going to judgment , when your day shall
come ! Weigh them , in the eyes of suffering thousands , audience ( not unmindful ) of the grim farce you play Or , supposing that you strayed f rom jour five wits—it's not so far to go but that it might be > and laid hands upon that throat of yours , warning your fellows ( if you have a fellow ) , how they croak their comfortable wickedness to raving beads and stricken hearts . What then ! " It is one of the biographers of Burns , when commenting on that inimitable production of the poet ' s pen , the Two . Dogs , who remarks , in allusion to the original of the tyrant factor , — "how easy it is to purchase an immortality of infamy I" We have the truth of this beautifully exemplified in the case
of the real Alderman CiiU , whose empty-headed pomposity and heartless cruelty is in this character gibbetted for public scorn , not only for the present time , but for generations yet to come . The utility and good of this punishment is , that so long as the LirsiEs—we mean the Cutes—continue to exist , though the present unenvied representative of the race may have ceased to be—long gone down into the night of fathomless obscurity " . : so long as one of the race is to be found , here is the whip to scourge him with . Here is , ready heated , the iron with ¦ which to brand him , a mark for public shame . Inflated , cruel , cold-blooded " putters-down" of your miserable fcllow-creaturcs : tramplers upon your
own species ; behold how heaven-guided genius shall " put you down" ! Petty tyrants of a day—contemptible imitators and personifiers of incarnate evil , see the coming- doom of your class . More potent than a two-edged sword , the pen shall smite you to the dust . Weapon of the poet and the patriot , thou art man's greatest good ! man ' s source of present hope and future happiness ! Thine is the mission to vanquish the " putters down , " and raise the oppressed and prostrated children of poverty and toiL Before leaving this portion of the Chimes , we must
give another scene from the doings at Bowley HaU . Anything more powerful in vindication of the poor , and denunciation of that infernal system which creates crime , and then persecutes to despair and destruction the criminal , never came from the pen of even a Dickens . Sir Joseph has made his great speech , full of the humbug and hypocrisy which may be heard at every agricultural dinner in the kingdom . He has given as a toast " The dignity of Labour , " {!) when Will : Fern breaks through the assembled throng of rascals and slaves , and thus manfullv proclaims
LABOUR ' S WK 0 NG 3 . " Gentlefolks V he said , " you ' ve drunk the Labourer . Xrook at me !" " Just come from jail , " said Mr . Fish . "Just come from jail , ' said Will . " And neither for the first time , nor the second , nor the third , nor yet the fourth . " * * * "Gentlefolks . '" repeated Will Fern , " Look at me ! You see I ' m at the worst . Beyond all trust or harm beyond vour help ; for the time when your kind words or kind actions could have done are good "—he struck his hand upon his breast and shook his head— "is gone , with the scent of last year ' s beans or clover on the air . Let me say a word for these" ( pointing to the Labouring people in the hall ); " and when you ' ve met together , hear the real truth spoken out for once . "
" Gentlefolks , I ' ve Ured many a year in this piaee . You may see the cottage from the sunk fence over yonder , I ' ve seen the ladies draw it in their books a hundred times . It looks well in a picter , I ' ve heerd say ; but there an ' t weather in picters , and maybe ' tis fitter for that than for a place to livein . Well ! I lived there . How hard how bitter hard I lived there , I won ' t say . Any day in the jear , and every day , you can judge for your own selves . * * 'Tis harder than you think for , gentlefolks , to grow up decent , in such a place . That I growed up a man and not a brute , says some , thing for me—as I was then . As 1 am now , there's
nothing can be said for me or done for me . I ' m past it . * * I dragged on , " said Fern , after a moment ' s silence , " somehow . Neither me nor any other man knows how ; but so heavy , that I couldn't put a cheerful face upon it , or make believe that 1 was anything but what I was . Now , gentlemen—you gentlemen that sits at Sessions—when you see a man with discontent writ on his face , you says to another , ' he ' s suspicious . 1 has my doubt , ' say s you , ' about Will Fern . "Watch that fellow ! ' I don ' t say , gentlemen , it ain ' t quite natVal , but I say ' tis so ; and from that hour , whatever Will Fern does , or lets alone—aU one—it goes against
Wm " Alilerman Cute stuck his thumbs in his waistcoatpockets , and leaning back in bis chair , and smiling , winked at a neighbouring chandelier . As much as to say , "Of course ; I told you so . The common cry Lord bless you , we are up to all this sort of tilingmj self and human nature . " ' - So ' ir , gentlemen , " said TVH 1 Fern , holding out his hands , and flushing for an instant in his haggard face . " See how your laws are made to trap and hunt us when we ' re brought to this . I tries to live elsewhere . And I ' m a vagabond . To jail with him ! I comes back here . I xves a nutting in vour woods , and breaks—who
don'ta limber branch or two . To jail with "him ! One of your keepers sees me in the broad day , near my own j-atrh of garden , ivitb a gun . To jail with him ! I has a nat ' ral angry word with that man when I ' m free again . To jail with him ! I cuts a stick . To jail with him ! I eats a rotten apple or a turnip . To jail with him ! It's twenty mile away ; and coming back , I begs a trifle on the road . To jail with him ! At last , the constable , tiie keeper—anybody—finds me anywhere , a Joing anything . To jail with him , for he ' s a vagrant , and a jail-bird known ; and jail ' s the only home he ' s got . The Alderman nodded sagaciously , ' as who should say ,
" A very good home too I ' Do I say this is to serve mt cause ! " cried Fern . " Who can give me back my liberty , who can give me back my good same , who can give me back my innocent niece ! Hot all the lords and ladies in wide England . But gentlemen , gentlemen , dealing with other men like me , begin at therightend . Give us , in mercy , better homes when we ' re a lying in our cradles ; give us better food when we ' re a working for our lives ; give us kinder laws to bring us back when we ' re agoing wrong ; and don't set ] jail , jail , jail , afore us , everywhere we turn . There an ' t a condescension you can show the Labourer
then that he won ' t take , as ready and as grateful as a man can be ; for be has a patient , peaceful , willing heart . But you must put hi 3 rightful spirit in him first ; for whether he ' s a wreck and ruin such as me , or is like one of them that stand here now , his spirit is divided from you at this time . Bring it back , gentlefolks , bring it back ! bring it back , afore the day comes when even his Bible changes in his altered mind , and the words seem to him to read , as they have sometimes read in my own eyes—in jail : ' Whither thou goest , I can Kot go ; where thou lodgest , I do Not lodge ; thy people are not my people ; Nor thy God my God ! ' "
The scenes we have above copied are , we should state , witnessed by the ghost of Trotty Veck . Another period of time now elapsedj and the scene changes once more to Mcgfe wretched home . mil Fern in his speech refers to the loss of his innocent niece ; in this scene we have the solution of his complaint . Poor Lilian , notpossesssing the strength of mind which has saved Meg through all her misery from temptation , haa fallen . Poor Lilian has become one of those outcasts which society makeB , and then punishes . But though sunken and fallen from virtue , the good of her heart is uneitinguished . At length she dies on her knees , clasped Si the arms of Meg , to ivhom she has returned to
solicit her forgiveness . The story of Lilian ' s death is piteously , beautifully told : and we regret we cannot transfer it to our " Garland : " but room we cannot find . In this scene , but prior to the death of Lilian , vre are introduced to Richard again : who , from the manly lover he was ere he . had drank at thepoisonousstreains of Malthusianism . has sunk into the confirmed drunkard ; the half idiotic , sottish vagrant . Time rolls on , and again the scene changes . Richard had sunk into that stato of debasement that nobody would employ him . At length he throws himself at the feet of Meg and begs her to take him as her husband , as the only possible chance of his redemption . Poor Meg yields to his entreaties , hoping to save him for the sake of what they had once been to each other .
They were married ; they have a baby ; but tne attempt at reformation is made too late . Richard takes ill ; lingers weeks and months ; and at last dies miserably . The climax of Meg ' s misery now approaches . * Having lost her regular work , she can only obtain chance work , that brings her for " a day and night of labour as many fart / tings as there were figures on the dial I" Without employment of any sort , on the last day of the Old Year she walks the city seeking work , but seeking in vain . She had not broken her fast all day ; and now she applies for public charity , hut this too she is refused . Faint and giddy she retraces her steps to her miserable home , where , to crown her wretch edness , she 13 repulsed on the threshold by the brutal occupier of the house . She pleads in yain At length , despair ' s complete victim , she turnsproceeds down the dark street—and hastens to the river ' s brink : a true picture of Mabt Foblxt , and too many Tuipless ones who , like her , hare bees driven to destruction . ¦
THE XOST KOTHXK . In her own scanty shawl she wrapped the baby warm . "With her fevered hands she smoothed its limbs , composed it « face , arranged its mean attire . In her wasted anna she folded it , as though she never would resign it more . And with her dry lips kissed it in a final pamg aadlast long agony of love .
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Putting its tiny hand up to her neck , and holding it there , withi n her . dress , next to her distracted heart : she set its sleeping face against her : closely , steadily , against her : and sped onward to the river . To the rolling river , swift and dim , whereWinter Night sat brooding like the last dark thoughts of many who had sought a refuge there before her . Where scattered lights upon the batiks gleamed sullen , red , and dull , aa torches that w ere burning there , to show the way to a death . Where no abode of living people cast its shadow on the deep , impenetrable , melancholy shade . Through all these horrors , the spirit of the old man follows his daughter . The fearful agony he endures in his vain attempts to grasp her , to drag her hack , is depicted with a master's hand ; but with
such truthand minuteness that the liveliest pain must be felt by all who read thia portion of the book . Most piteously poor Trotty appeals to the spirits of the Chimet to save his child , his Meg , from the approaching dread catastrophe . " Have mercy on her ! " he exclaimed , " as one in whom this dreadful crime has sprung from love perverted ; from the strongest , deepest lovo we fallen creatures know ! Think what her misery must have # > een , when such seed bears such fruit ! He&ven meant her to be good . There is no iovingr mother on the eartii , who might not come to this , if such a life had gone before , " She was in his arms . He held her now . His strength
was like a giant ' s . * * "I know that we must trust and hope , and neither doubt ourselves , nor doubt the good in one another . I have learnt it from the creature nearest to my heart . 0 , spirits , merciful and good , I take your lesson to my breast along with her f 0 , spirits , merciful and good , I am grateful !" He might have said more , but the Bells , the old familiar SelJs ; his own d ^ ar , constant , steady friends , the Chimes ! began to ring the joy peals for a New Year , go lustily , so merrily , so happily , so gaily , that he leapt rpon his feet , and broke the spell that bound him . Te »; the spell is broken—the vision is gone—the gablins have vanished—the spirit of the Chimes has accomplished its work .
" A . id whatever you do , father , " said Meg , " don't eat ttipe again , without asking some doctor whether it ' s likely to agree with you ; for how you have been going on , good gracious ! " Guess Trotty's astonishment and delight ' . For the details of the fnale we must refer our readers to the book itself . Enotigh , that all ends happily , and Richard and Mtg i young , happy , and hopeful , are ¦ married ; Lilian is not dead , but still a beauteous child . Will Fern finds a fvfcud more likely than Alderman Cvte t in ; the person ot'J / r * . Chickenstalher , who proves to be a relation he was in quest of . And the whole ends with a joyous dance , in which Trotty and . Airs . ChickensUilker take the lead , in a step unknown before or since ; founded on his own peculiar trot ..
The Chimes , in its " outward and visible appearance , " is an elegant book ; beautifully illustrated by Messrs . Maclise , Stanfield , Leecs , and Doyle . We remember no work of Mr . Dickens's which has been so fortunate , in this respect . Its charming p ictorial embellishments , accompanying the sterling stuff of which the tale is composed , fully warrants us entitling the Chimes , " The Album for the Million for 1845 . " And now , reader , having traced the story of the Chimes—imperfectly , we admit—from its commencement to its close , wliat think you of this latest of the productions of Charles Dickens ? Whatever be that-. ' opinion , ' ours shall be given unreservedly . Several of the critic-craft-i-thoy must fie bright boys at their business !—have very sagely
set about comparing the Chimes with the previous woz ^ ks of Mr . Dickens ! The upshot of their comparisons—not odious , but stupid—lias been that these knowing gentlemen have voted the Chimes trash ! We opine they have discovered by this time that the public , and themselves , hold opinions directly the . reverse of each other . It appears not to have struck these worthies that the Chimes is a book widely different to any work heretofore written by Mr . Dickens . True , every work yet written by Mi % Dickens kas had for its object the elevation and improvement of mankind , and the enlargement of those kindly sympathies which have so much to do with the existence and promotion of human happiness . But , in t \ io Chimes ,
expressing views 01 man and society far more comprehensive than he has before put forth , Mr . Dickens enters-the public arena , as the champion of the people ! Wellerisms , however happy , would be out of place in a work of this description . The masses are the victims of undeserved suffering ; their cause is a solemn one ; and solemnly , with an eloquence that was never excelled ; in " thoughts that breathe and words that burn / ' Mr . Dickens pleads that cause against the cruel , canting , unnatural , blaspheming doctrines and actions of the ruling classes of society . But the parties who denounce the Chimes aa " trash , " charge on Mr . Dickens the sins of '' exaggeration , " and " extravagance , " " inflation" and
"falsehood" and an intent to array " party against party , and class against class . " We leave it to our readers , too many of whom wo fear aro not far removed from the suffering conditian of the Will Fern's and Meggy Veck ' s—to say , whether in describing the wrongs of their class , the condition of the agricultural labourer , and the bitter toil ofthe sempstress , Mr . Dickens has been guilty of " exaggeration , " " extravagance , " " inflation , " " falsehood . " "Party' is " arrayed against party , " and " class against class ; " they have been long 30 arrayed ; for that , the rich and the ruling classes are responsible . The advocates for , aud apologists of , the rich , arc numerous as corruption ' s wages can purchase ; but the advocates of the poor
are , like " angel's visits , few and far . : between . " Noblv , therefore , does Mr . Dickens throw the weight of his great name into the scale on poverty ' s side ; and if he seems to join in the strife of " party against party , and class against class , " it is to help the wronged to j nstice , and the miserable to a better state of existence ; ends which not onlv sanctify the straggle , but would also , if achieved , put an end to the war of classes and of parties , and establish unity and brotherhood in the place of hostility and hatred . We do not say that the Chimes is in each and every tittle a superior work . On the contrary , in plot and construction , we think it decidedly inferior to
any other production of Mr . Dickens' 9 pen . But viewed in its political character and bearings , it is decidedly the best work Mr . Dickens has produced . It is the voice of poetry ; the voice of thought and feeling , appealing to eternal justice against " man ' s inhumanity to man : " a voice , which , while it will cause many an oppressor to shrink before its echo , will impart hope to tlie oppressed , and strengthen in thousands the chef ? ing , saving belief that a better future for the many will come , when the condition of England ' s sons will be the reverse of that of Will Fern- ; and England's daughters be redeemed from that worse than Egyptian ; bondage , so truly , sadlv pictured in the character of Meggy
Veck . I'faith , "Boi" has " played the very dxcldW' with our "Garland . " Trottv , and Meg , and Will , and Cute , have so trenched " upon our allotted space , that despite our second wrearth , we shall , after all , be compelled to omit several bouquets , poetical and prose , which we had intended to form " part and parcel" of this year ' s selection . Having said so much in piaLse of the press when rightly directed , and the pen when honestly employed , we don't know that we could do better than give the following beautiful lines by a lady , Mra . E . S . Craven Grbkn , in honour of
THE GREY GOOSE QUILL . : Feather of Eagle , or plume of snow , On warrior ' s crest , or on beauty ' a brow , Kissing the fair cheek ' s peach-like bloom , Or seen by a flash thro' the battle ' s gloom . Mighty your conquests ; but prouder still Is the triumph won by the Grey Goose Quill . Ye have revell'd long in the golden store Of the poet ' s thought and the sage ' s lore . ; Te who have won by the power of mind The charmed land where the past is shrin'd . But the veil from the temple is rent , and lo ! In a thousand hearts its treasures glow , And a spirit lives ' in that mighty throng , Born of the glory , obscured so long . The mant have drank from the FOCNT DIVINE
And their souls ai-e athirst for its deathless wine Light from heaven has warm'd the clay-Darkness shrinks from the coming day ; The world's deeprheart has felt a thrill . The hidden might of the grey Goose QuilJ . ' la the darken'd mine , by the restless wheel , Bright thoughts on the weary heart shall steal . The furrow has past from the craftsman ' s brow , Some pleasant fancy is with him now ! Or his soul is trane'd by the potent rhyme Of some mighty bard of the olden time ! He shall crouch no more by his cottage hearth , A darken'd , sordid shape of earth ; A tool just fashion'd of human clay , To be jvrought at will , or cast away . His MIND is awake !—he has heard the
call" Knowledge and life for the bondsman thrall ;" He has wip'd from his name the serfdom ban , And taken his place trith his feclow HAN . Knowledge , and Power , and Freedom!—ye Speed well on your course , 0 mighty three ! Who ihall resist your boundless will , Or stay the flight of the Grey Goose Quill How shall thy wonder * , 0 , Art ! expand When the mind shall guide the working hand , When science enlightens the craftsman ' s skill .
And lus thought shall live and be shap'd at will ! The kant shall judge , and be tosa'd no more Like shifting sands on the wild sea shore ; Tools of a party-r-theif new waked power Shall have noble aims in the coming hour —• True and trustful shall each unite , Calm in their own acknowledg'd might-Land of the bold , ; the wise , the free ! Bright shall thy name amid nations be . Knowledge and freedom shall guard the still , For strong is the might of the Grey Goose Quill . We closed Wreath I . witha « allto our readers to drink the health of France and Freedom ' s poet ,
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Bkbaitosr ; and we cannot close Wreath II , without reverting to the noble spirits who , leaving all for liberty , devote themselves to freedom ' s holy cause . We have lately been ! gratified , delighted we should say , by perusing ] in the Athenamm translations of a few of tho lyrics of Ferdinand Freiusbath , a German poet , who though very young , has already acquired an European fame . He was in the receipt of a pension froni the Kinf | of Prussia , bestowed on jlura in 1 . 842 , which { pension he has voluntarily relinquished , in order that , untrammelled and unbought , he may devote his high poetic powers to the service of the people and liberty . In his own words ] : — " Free , I choose iny station . With the people , and their cause make mine . 1 Poet , mayah and labour with thy nation !' Thus I read , to-day , my Schiller ' s line . *'
The following splendid song , by Frkiligrath , we commend to our readers , hoping that wherever the sons of Democracy are assembled ; wherever the bowl is quaffed to the downfall } of despots , and the triumph of liberty , there will this magnificent hymn ring from the lips of every patriot present .
OUR FREEDOM AND [ RIGHT ' . 0 ! think not henceforth they must lie in the tomb , 0 ! think not henceforth they will hide from our sight , Though the voice of bold speakers isibid to be dumb , And none but the false ones have licence to write , No ! no ! tho our martyrs in exile abide them , Though others , outworn with the Tyrants who ride them , Should lance their own veins in the ( dungeons that hide them , ] Yet Freedom still lives . ^ and b eside her The Right . Our Freedom and Right . '
Nor lot us look blank at a single rebuff , — To purchase full victory , the warriorjmust fight ; This stirs but , and rouses the hftartslof true stuff To cheer all the louder for Freedom t | and Right ! For still the two Holy ones flourish together ; Share arms and adventures through fair and foul weather , Where Right is , the Free , uninvited , fly thither ; And ever , where Freemen live , there rules The Right ! Lives Freedom , with Right . Let . this , too , console us : the pair , till to-day From conquest to conquest ne ' er made such a flight ; Ne'er flowed their full breathing witlr healthier play , To stir e ' en the humblest of hinds with its might ;—• All round the wide world , to each state they are speeding , On each coast they are wakening , _ aud mustering , and leading : i They have struck from the vassal j the bonds he lay dead in , And stripped from the Negro the chaijn of the White !
Twin Freedom and Right . Aye ! spread are their banners , and wave everywhere , Each shame to abolish , each wrong toi requite ; Aye ! here if defeated , ' Hey ' re conquerors there ! And their triumph , ati t t , shall be pprfect as bright . 0 God ! what a garland to deck the high pair in , All leaves that all lands on their standards are wearing , The olive of Greece , the green trefoil of Erin , And the German oak-wreath , showing first in the light Our Freedom and Right ! True , many , ere then , that now groan , will lie low ; Yet still sleep the just , and their slumber is light—And still on their tombs the twin glorious shall glow , For whom we bless them , too , —our freedom and right ! Charge glasses ! a health to the brave , that contending For truth , dared oppression and misery , unbending , Who wrongfully suffered our right forjdefending ;—To justice for ever ! and freedom through Right ;
Our Freedom through Right ! We shall probably take an early opportunity of bringiii " our readers to a closer acquaintance with this noble poet . In the meantime ithree cheers and success to "Young Germany , " iind their glorious bard Ferdinand Fkeiligrath . i But we must conclude . The space allotted for our " Garland" has been greatly exceeded ; and though we are loth to leave our pleasing labour , yet quit it we must . Where , then , can we find a hearty , joyous chorus with which to conclude ? jWe have found it ! Here , from the pen of our talented and esteemed friend , James M'Kowen , several ; of whose excellent effusions have enriched our columns , we give , — last , not least , — t
A Chblstmas song . Come drink again with me , boys , ; And never fear , and never fear | The man , if man he be , boys , : Who'd at us sneer , who'd at us sneer ; In moments bright as this boys , : What churlish soul , what churlish soul , Would e ' refuse to kiss , boys , ' [ The wassail bowl , the wassail bowl . Then fill the goblet , now boys , j To friendship dear , to friendship dear , Ere Time bind o ' er his brow , boys , The waning year , the waning year . To him of honest heart , boys , ; We'll drink indeed , we'll driuk indeed ; Who scorneth to desert , boys , i
A friend in nood , n friend in need ; Who dreads no despot ' s chain , bbys , Kor bigot ' s bann , nor bigot ' s bann ; But nobly doth maintain , boys , ¦ The Rights of Man , the Rights of Man Then drink to him with me , boys ' , And never fear , and never fearj ; 'Tis "Nobles " such as he , boys , That we revere , that we revere ;! To him who strives to dry , boys , The sufferer ' s tear , the suffererfs tear ; Or breathe a word of balm , boys . j In sorrow ' s ear , in sorrow ' s ear ; And ever proves a foe , boys , ! To guilty power , to guilty power : To him the bowl shall flow , boys , !
This joyous hour , this joyous hour . Then drink to him with me , boysj And never fear , and never feari ; 'Tis Nobles such as he , boys , ] That we revere , that we revere ;! And now , good reader , our " Garland" for 1844 is completed ; and for us it only remains to wish thee a happy new tear ! In the beautiful language of Charles Dickens— " May the New Year be a happy one to you—happy to many more whose happiness depends on you ! So may each year be nappier than the last , and not the humblest of our brethren or sisterhood debarred their rightful share , in what our Great Creator formed themlto enjoy I "
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Eees ix Lent . —In Ireland regulations for fasting are differently arranged in different parishes ; in some eggs are forbidden to be used , or eveamilk , or cream -in tea , on stated days . In a parish in the county of Kildare eggs were prohibited ; and , in confession , Paddy Blake , the son of a celebrated cockfighter , deposed to having infringed the order . Upon being told bv the priest that those eggs might ha ^ e contained chickens , Paddy replied , " Och , no > your riverence , sure they were biled . " " No matter , " replied the priest , " they might have had chickens all the same . " The priest , however , considered the offender ' s age , and pardoned him . A short time afterwards the priest , wishing for some of the fine breed of Paddv's father's cocka , asked Paddy for a
clutch of his best eitgs . Pat promised to obey , and in a few days returned with the eggs . They were duly placed under a careful hen , and at the end of three weeks , the usual time allotted for hatching chickens , inspection was made , but not a single egg chipped . A month ' passed , and no chickens . At length , after five weeks , the priest's patience was exhausted , and Curiosity led him to break one of the eggs , when , to his astonishment , he found it was boiled , and hard as a bullet : . he went through the ceremony of breaking the whole clutch , and having discovered that all were alike , he sent for Paddy , and thus accosted him : "You little rascal , tho eggs you brought me were all boiled . " " Och , yes , your riverence ; I was afraid I'd smash them it I brought them raw ; and , sure , your honour told me there might be chickens in them just the aamo . "
Divorce . — "I ' ve a friend who wants to get divorced , " said a gentleman to a legal friend , "how ' s he to set about it ? " " If he ' s rich , go to Doctors ' Commons ; and provided he can prove the necessary facts , he may do it for a thousand pounds . " " But he ' s poor , sir ; " " In that case , " said the lawyer , " he must go to the union workhouse , where , without proving any crime against his wife , they will di-Torce him directly . " Husband and Wife . —Sterne , who used his wife very ill , was one day talking to Garrick in a fine sentimental manner , in praise of conjugal love aod fidelity . " The husband , " said Sterne , " who behaves unkindly to his wife , deserves to have his house burnt over his head . " " If you think so , " said Garrick , " I hope your house is insured . "
One good turn deserves another . —When Fredarick Reynolds , the dramatist , mentioned to a friend that he was about to appear in the character of a novelist , he complained to him of the many difficulties he should have to encounter in his new undertaking ; the latter replied , "Think , when the work is over , of the pleasure of correcting the press . " " Aye !" rejoined Fred , " and when that work is over , think of the press having the pleasure of correcting me . ' " Cost of a Watch . — During the war of 1796 , a
sailor went into a watchmaker ' s shop in the city , and handing out a small French watch to the ingenious artist , demanded how much the repairs would com « to . The watchmaker looking at it , said it would cost him more in repairs than the original purchase . " Oh ! if that is all , I don't mind that , " replied the sailor ; " I will even give double the original cost , for I have a veneration for the watch . " " What might you have given for it ? " inquired the watchmaker . " Why , " said Jack , twitching his trousers , " I gave a French fellow a knock on the head for it ; and if
you'll repair it I'll give you two . A DiFFicuLTT . — " Dick , " said a master to his servant , " have you fed the pigs ? " "Yes , massa , me fed ' em . " " Did you count them , Dick ? " "Yes , massa , me count ' em , all but one . " " All but one ?" " Yes , massa , all but on < 3—dare be one little speckled pig , he frisks about so much me couldn ' t count him . " An Inference . — A servant had lived many years with a clergyman , and his master took occasion to say , " John , you have been a long time in my service : I dare say you will be able to preach a sermon as well as I ? " " 0 no , sir , " said John , " but many an inference I have drawn from yours . " " Well /' said the clergyman , " I will give you a text out of Job ; let me hear what you infer from it : —* And the asses snuffed up the east wind . "' " Well , " replied John , " the only inferenoe I can draw from that is , they would be a long time before they would grow fat upon it . " .
...... An Ohanq * Venture . —Leigh Hunt was asked by a lady at dessert , if he would not venture onan orange . * ' Madam , I should be happy to do so , bai I am afraid I should tumble off . " SnARP Retort . — Sir William C being at a parish meeting , made certain proposals , which an influential farmer objected to , and so effectually that they wore not carried . Highly enraged , "Sir , " says he to the fanner , " you may be a judge of a plough , but you know nothing ofthe subjects in which you interfered . I think ! ought to be well informed upon them I have been at both the uniTeraitie 9 , and at two collegeyin each . " "Well , sir , " replied the farmer , " and what of that ? I had a calf that sucked two cows , and tne onservation 1 made , was , that the more he sucked , the greater calf he grew .
The Cocstbt Fiddler . —A rustic Pagamiu was so fond of accompanying his performance on the violin con spirito , that it frequently brought him into many f-rapes , as well as distress . A gentleman meeting him one day'looking very doloroso , said , '' Why , Jack , what ails yoir , isn't your fiddle in tune V " No , zur , replied Jack , " it be wpawn . " DiNNER-HuxTiso . — "Do you hunt ? " inquired a " countryman" of D—— . " Hunt , did you say , my larlint , " replied he : " to be sure I do , every born < lay of my life . " " And pray , " continued bis friend , '' what description of game do you pursue ? " " What game ! " thundered Dan , " why , the best of all game ; that that comes to the table—a dinner , to be sure 1 " The " oder Pat" was satisfied .
A Wokder in Heaven . —In the neighbourhood of lulbarchan , there lived two men , father and son , weavers by trade ; and sole inhabitants of the tenement . For years they had made famil y worship a rule before going to bed , the old man praying , and the son reading the chapter . One night the son was reading from the 12 th chapter of Revelations— " Another wonder in heaven , a great dragoon . " " Stop , Hughie , " says the father , "thou'rt wrong ; it ' s no dragoon , it ' s a dragon . " " Wha should ken best ?" quoth Hughie , " when I hae the beuk afore me . ?" " I ' m nae heeding aboot that ; I hae read , it fifty times , and I ' m reet ; dear me , H , ughie , did thou ever hear 0 ' a dragoon being in that gude place ? I ne ' er did" " Ay , ay , father ; but this is a wonder , though . " " Weel , weel , read awa' , Hughie ; it could na'be . ony o' Claver's bloody troopers at ony
rate . " A timely Repartee . — A soldier of Marshal Saxe's army being discovered in a theft , was condemned tb . be hanged . What he had stolen might be worth five shillings . The Marshal meeting him as he was being led to execution , said to him : " What a miserable fool you were , to risk your life for five shillings ! " " General , " replied the soldier , " I have risked it every day for five-pence . " This repartee saved his life . Modesty . — An Irishwoman once called upon an apothecary with a sick infant , when he gave her a powderof which he ordered as much as would lie on
, a sixpence to be given every morning . The woman replied , " Perhaps your honour would lena me the sixpence the while , as I have not got one by me at all . " Unanimity . — A Scotch parson in his prayer said , "Laird bless the grand council ( the Parliament ] , and grant they may hang together . " A country fellow standing by replied , " Yes , sir , with all my heart , and the sooner the better ; and I am sure it is the prayer of all good people . " " BHt , friends , " said the parson , " I don't mean as that fellow does , but pray they may all hang together in accord and concord . " No matter what cord , " replied the other , " so 'tis
a strong one . The Irishman and the Hbmbug . — A poor Irishman was travelling on the outside of a coach from Bristol to London , and was observed to be Yer / uneasy , and to seek every opportunity for indulging in a comfortable scratch . " What , Pat , " said some of his companions , " have you got the itch ? No , replied Pat , " but I ' m ate alive with bugs . " " 0 , nevermind , " said some of his companions , ' you re used to it . " "No , " said Pat , " we have no such , thing in our country . " " No such thing t Well done , Pat I slept ftbput a week ago at Cashel , and they took the clothes off the bed , and would have pulled me after them if it had not been for my dog , that slept in the room ; why , they ' re as large as rabbits . I forget what they call them . " " Och , I axes pardon , " said Pat , " I knows them sure enough ; them is what we calls hvmbvujt . "
Russia Binding . — An Irish gentleman took a book to his binder , who asked him if he would have it bound in Russia . " 0 , Jasus , no ' . " replid he , do you think I can wait for the book while it is making a sea voyage ? You must get it bound in Dublin * Forbidding the Bams . — A scholar of Dr . Buabfa coming into , a parlour where the Doctor had laid a fine bunch of grapes for his own eating , took it up , and said , " I publish the banns between these grape * and my mouth : if any one knows any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together , let them deelafe it . " The Doctor being ; m the next room , overheard all that was said , and coming
into the room , ordered the boy who had eaten the grapes to be taken up , or , as they called , xt , horsed on another boy ' s , back ; but before he proceeded to the usual discipline he cried out aloud , as the delinquent had done , "Ipublishthe banns between my rod and this boy ' s breech : if tioj one knows any jost « a « se or impediment why these two should not fie joined together let them declare it . " "I forbid the banns , " cried thetjoy . " Why so ?•*• said the Doctor . ^ Because the parties are not agreed , " replied the boy ; which answer so pleased the Doctor , who loved to nnd any readiness of wit in his scholars , that he ordered the boy to be let down .
An Awkward Threat . —Charles Fox told an insolent fellow he would kick him to hell . " If you do , " said the other , " I will tell your father how you * are squandering his money . "
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A BOWL OF " PUNCH , " FRESH BREWED . Punoh ' s Almanack for 1845 . —We advise all our readers to immediately become purchasers of Punch ' s Ahianack . The illustrations are excellent , and will be found provocative of never-ending amusement . We subjoin a few extracts : — . ] Soliloquy of a Sheriff's Officer . — " Hilary Tenn ! Pshaw ! There ' s nothing hilarious about our terms now . This is a precious land of liberty , this
is ! ven a sheriff's officer can't find a shoulder to turn his hand to . Time vas , ven I to 6 k my two bottleB and my six bodies a-day . But now I thinks brandyand-vater a luxury , and hasn't as much aa a diaman ' ring to my finger ; I yonder ven they'll gladden my heart with a " execution ? " for the sheriff's officer who weuldn ' t serve a fellow-cretur in a distress isn't vorthy of the name of Levy ! So ; I may as veil sell Madame Tussaud my top-boots to stand by them figures of Vellington ' s and Blucher ' s .
Wortuy of Attention . —Advice to persons about to marry . —Don't . ; A Voice from the Bakehouse . —A good baker should grow his own mutton . This is easily done by placing your customer ' s legs in aj row , according to sizes . Having purchased the smallest leg you can find , change it for one of the bakings which is a little Larger ; that again should take the place of the next bulkier joint , and so on until you arrive at the largest . You can then walk off with your leg . A good crop of bak'd taters may be got by digging one out of each customer ' s dish . i Ornithological debut . —The cuckoo makes ^ its first appearance before a British public early in spring , and trusts to that indulgence which an English audience is never known to withholdjfrom strange birds who come in the character of foreign vocalists .
Directions for finding a Policeman . — Look down every area in the street ; if youjdo not b y accident see one , ring the bell and inquire if the policeman is in the kitchen . Repeat ibis at every door , and you cannot fail eventually to find one . j Medical Certain cure of a cold in aprima donna . Stop her salary , or put a rising vocalist in her part . Boiling . — The boiling point varies in different localities . In Belgrave and Grosvfenor-squares , Mayfair , and Sprine-gardens , the pot can hardly be boiled
under - £ 3 , 000 fr-year . Whereas up at Camden Town the pot will boil at £ 150 or £ 2 Q 0 ; and about St . Giles ' s or Spitalfields , at 7 s . or 8 s . per vreek . Literary . —June is Nature ' s publishing season , when she sends forth several of her periodicals . That splendid annual the strawberry begins to appear in parts , and the gooseberry comes jibrth in numbers Some apples and pears may also bejexpected , as specimens of some early editions of those beautiful standard works in Nature ' s library . \
The Art of Packino . —A carpet bag should be packed by placing the clean linen jin first , including the frilled shirts . After which stuff in the coate and boota , garnish , with shaving tackle , and ram down with hair brush . If the packing la not then successful , insert your foot into the bag , and pull fiercely at the handles . It does not matter ! about the carpet bag being wide open at both sidesj so as it is closed with a padlock in the middle . | Hints fob Shopping . — If you want to purchase a piece of tape , go to Waterloo House , and ask to look at everything new in dresses , icardinals , cloaks , muffs , carpets * and feathers . Having fixed upon what you would purchase if you bjid the . money , say , you Bee nothing to suit you , buy your tape , and ^ resolve , by future rigid economy in the house-keeping , to squeeze that duck of a polka jacket out of the pies and puddings . {
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Citation
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Northern Star (1837-1852), Dec. 28, 1844, page 3, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse2.kdl.kcl.ac.uk/periodicals/ns/issues/vm2-ncseproduct688/page/3/
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